VRYKERION

Location: Sunfury Spire, Silvermoon City

Faction: Horde

Another thing I noticed while running back to the emissaries from the tower. I got to take a gander down below to the base of the Spire. I may just be looking at this wrong, but I swear it’s a lion. A giant lion’s head, ala Mufasa from the Lion King. It’s not entirely unfeasible to speculate it though. Illidan had panda bear faces on his warglaives in Warcraft III. Though I do find it hilarious that it’s underneath the home of the ruling family. My other question is why they built the Spire in such a deep hole. Is there anything else down there? Like a strip mall or a 7-Eleven or something? Maybe there’s a ton of copper coins down there from people making wishes! I mean, who needs throwing coins in the fountain when there’s a Lion Hole at your disposal! Which now makes me wish that there was a Goonies style instance underneath Silvermoon. (Okay, ANOTHER Goonies style instance, I forgot about the Deadmines.)

LOCATION: The Bazaar, Silvermoon City

FACTION: Horde

Let’s stop over at Keelen Sheet’s Trustworthy Tailors. I’ve been in here before. It’s one of the only places on Azeroth to find a mana loom, and where I spent a lot of time leveling my tailoring on another characters. What I had never noticed is that in the back of the shop there is a doorway behind the sheer purple blood elf curtains. What I found down there, I had heard about but never seen. It’s an honest to goodness leper gnome sweat shop being run by a succubus belonging to Mr. Sheets himself. The proof of the enslavement is sitting right in the middle of the room on a desk covered in gold (There’s also a leper gnome in a cage hanging on the wall). The best part is that the store is called TRUSTWORTHY Tailors. It makes me question other names in the city. Things like “Bank”. What are they really doing in there? Probably hording Nazi gold. It would definitely match the pattern of proof that blood elves are just horrible, and pretty… but horrible… but still pretty… people.

LOCATION: The Bazaar, Silvermoon City

FACTION: Horde

At the southern end of the Bazaar, there is a large gathering of people yelling at some lady and a priest who are decrying the abuse of magic and the cost of the luxury that the blood elves have become accustomed to. All it really is missing is an elf named Alg’ore and a powerpoint presentation. The more interesting note is that at the end of the whole thing, the people in the crowd summon another priest who casts a spell on the two protesters and knocks them unconscious.

(more…)

Location: Murder Row, Silvermoon City

Faction: Horde

to visit the last area of Silvermoon, the one I as a warlock call home: Murder Row. Okay, it’s not like the Four Seasons or something, but how many nice places have you heard of that have turned out to be real dives? I mean, did the Luxury Castle Gardens Motel Six really live up to the name? So why can’t a place with a horrible name be nicer than it sounds?

There’s really not much here though: The Warlock’s Sanctum, the Rogue’s training ground, and a bar with a drunk guy asleep outside (No, it’s not Jero’me, I checked. No rhymes.) The big thing to notice is the one thing that makes Murder Row the best place in Silvermoon to be: Demon Hookers. That’s right, A Pimp Named Keyanomir (Yes, say the whole thing. Yes, that includes the A Pimp Named part) has his enslaved succubus (a popular choice here in Silvermoon) turning tricks down by the mailbox in Murder Row. That’s the kind of ingenuity that you can only find in Warlocks.

LOCATION: Outside the Silvermoon City Front Gates, Eversong Woods

FACTION: Horde

Underneath the bridge in front of the city gates is Jero’me. He just sleeps under there and occasionally begs for money.
If you actually talk to him he asks if you want to here some rhymes. Which you can respond to with a resounding “YES!” or “NO!” (Because you apparently have no choice but to love rhymes to an ecstatic fault or to detest it to a point of disgust). Even odder is that he will randomly just shout out, “Bip!” The only thing I could really think of is that this man is a starving artist/insane homeless person/troll. I am curious if Eversong Woods was once populated with many a billy goat before they tried to enter the city via Jero’me’s bridge.To dive quickly into this matter, I noticed that underneath poor insane Jero’me’s name was the title, “Mo’rrisroe’s Minion.” So I took off into the city to find Mo’rrisroe. He isn’t hard to find, he’s right across from the hotel that seems to be housing the illustrious Lv70 Elite Tauren Chieftans. They apparently like to hang out here between gigs, I suspect it’s because of the overwhelming presence of skimpily clothed elf groupies and even more hookahs (They do stay up on their balcony though. I bet they’re afraid of the cats). Anyway, Mo’rrisroe is apparently a member of the Silvermoon Builder’s Association. He appears to be the only member, as I can’t find anyone with the title anywhere else. He doesn’t say anything though. He’s a mute. Probably from shouting at Jero’me to the point where Jer decided to sleep under a bridge outside the city. So, there’s no answer to who these two chaps are. So off I went to the one place where I can find some decent information: WoWwiki. In the end, these two scorned lovers (Hey, if people can assume that any male character in any anime/cartoon is gay and write about it, why can’t I do it for pointless NPCs?) It turns out it’s some Blizzard in-joke. Brian Morrisroe is a lead interior artist at the company, and Jeremy Graves is a Dungeon & City artist that works under him. Both Jero’me’s rhymes and bips apparently come from real life Jeremy, who sings rap songs at karaoke and seems to randomly say “Bip” in real life as well. And that solves that mystery… I like my version much better to be honest.

LOCATION: The Royal Exchange, Silvermoon City

FACTION: Horde

First stop is the Royal Exchange. The best question anyone can ask about the royal exchange is simply: What is so royal about it? I mean, yes, it is home to a bank and an auction house, but so is the bazaar and you don’t see anyone claiming it’s very royal. Is this where Kael’thas keeps his coin? Perhaps trees are a majestic symbol? No, I’m pretty sure that’s the night elves whole thing. The only real difference here is the trees, and a couple more cats, and a dead paladin! …Wait, what?

That’s right, the small cafe that separates the Royal Exchange from Murder Row (Hows THAT for a metaphor for capitalism) has a dead paladin sitting upstairs. His name is Stillblade. Which personally, I think is hilarious. (For those who do know that he’s there, I assume you’re paladins, as his revival is required for a paladin quest. Otherwise, there is no reason to go up there.) There is another paladin that is standing next to Very-Stillblade’s body, and I couldn’t help but laugh at her. Since the blood elf idle animation is simply looking back and forth, she looks confused as can be at the dead body. It screams out “Should… Should I poke it? or something?” I decided to help her confusion by poking the lifeless corpse a couple times, spitting on it, and telling it a joke. Yes, Extremely-Stillblade is indeed dead. Does that clarify somethings paladin? Good.

LOCATION: Farstrider Square, Silvermoon City

FACTION: Horde

Welcome to Farstrider Square, home of soldiers, hunters, and a giant keg of magma!
That’s right, next time you run over to smelt some ore into bars, take a look up at where the hot goo that powers the forge is coming from. It’s pouring out of a giant bird mouth shaped keg of undetermined origin. I wondered where the lava kept flowing from if it was suspended up there. Did they have to refill periodically when no one was looking? Where did the lava come from? Perhaps it was those crazy mages with their fireballs that keep it going. Then it hit me. Have you ever seen one of those toys that refilter water back up to make it appear like a never ending faucet suspended in midair? I’m pretty sure that’s similar to the trick being pulled off here. It would account for the magma levels being poured out is constant, yet the levels in the forge never seem to change. Truly, the engineers from around the corner whipped up a doozy of an optical illusion. Makes me wonder what else is just a trick. I’m looking at you mages. You won’t be tricking me with those sparklers anymore, claiming that you’ve conjured flame and frost from the arcane energies of the world. I have to sell my soul for power, and you just get to wave a wand and blow stuff up? I don’t buy it for a second.