VRYKERION

  • MageFAQs

    Location: Various Book Spawn Points, Dalaran

    Faction: Neutral

    This is one I stumbled upon on my tedious waiting for Higher Learning.  It’s essentially a FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions for those who are pondering the acronym and don’t often peruse for free game guides on the internet).  My favorite is the one from the picture: if you having trouble casting, you may be dehydrated and need some water.  Ha! Self referential humor is classic! Good show Blizzard, good show…

    But this also raises some questions.  Why the heck is this book in Dalaran?  The MAGE city.  Every single citizen of this town is a wizard in some respect, why the heck have a Wizarding for Dummies book sitting around in a city of people who don’t need it?  Wouldn’t this be better in places like Stormwind’s library, or the Undercity?  Or shall we toss some Cataclysm speculation in and have it turn up in Darnassus!

    Oh I weep for the unfortunate Night Elf to get caught with a copy of Mages 101 under his mattress.  Blushing in shame as they mumble and try to explain to his or her parents about they sometimes they just get these urges to cast an arcane missile, and how all their friends are trying it.  Maybe they’ll try and turn the tables and say that when their parents were younger (a few thousand years ago) they were doing it too.  Then the parents will go on the defensive, saying how young and naive they were… and how it almost destroyed their entire world.  I’d pay to watch that conversation.

    The point is, while the humor is fun, I don’t get why a city known for their wizardry would need such a basic book.  Does Dalaran have some kind of remedial wizarding classes?  I figured that’s the class that Windle Sparkshine is in.  How low do you have to sink to be put on candle lighter duty?  He’s got to have some bad grades to land that job.  My impression was that Dalaran was the city where the magic university was, not the magic grade school.  Which honestly is more along the lines of the trainers in Kharanos or Goldshire would be.  This book doesn’t belong in Dalaran.  At all. Ever.

    Oddly, it spawns in place of a book required to get the Mastery book sometimes.  So this actually might be a subtle hint that you’re not ready for “master” level wizardry yet.  It’s like when you leave the Christmas Sears catalog – toys circled – in your parents room to entice them to take notice of what you want from them. What? I can’t be the only one who did that.  Seriously?  Whatever.  Anyway, this book is spawning to tell you that you are a dumb mage that needs more schooling.  Are you gonna take that from some snooty wizards?

    I would tell them to meet you down in the Underbelly for a magic duel to settle this.  And when they’re distracted with casting some of their fancy better-than-you magic…   SWEEP THE LEG!*

    *Oddcraft does not support despicable acts that make Mr. Miyagi sad.  We do however support the utter beat down of mages. Because vending machines should not talk back.**

    **Despite being the only writer on this site, the views expressed on this site are not those shared by Vrykerion. He likes mages.  Port to Dal plz?

  • Give This One A Hand

    This is hands down one of the weirdest things I've seen in a shop so far.

    Location: Arsenal Absolute, Dalaran

    Faction: Neutral

    You gotta give a hand to these guys.  I don’t know if they got it off someone they caught stealing red-handed but just seeing it displayed so prominently gives me a shake.  I’m surprised that the no authorities have asked them to hand it over just to check it for fingerprints.  Though considering they are weapons dealers, I wouldn’t be surprised if it came to fisticuffs over anyone laying a hand on their prized possession here.

    Okay, okay, okay.  I’ll stop with the terrible hand jokes, but this thing did make me do a double-take when I first saw it.  Just goes to show you that you haven’t seen everything yet.  Sitting on the counter is a prosthetic arm in an elaborate jar.  Do I even need to repeat that?  I don’t even know where it came from.  All of the employees seem to have all of their limbs firmly attached, and it doesn’t seem to be any kind of fist weapon.  If it is, I severely doubt it’s usefulness. The best part is that every now and then it twitches!  Now I have to know where this thing came from.

    I imagine there’s probably a great story behind it too.  Wouldn’t you think?  Granted, my mind jumps to thoughts of Reservoir Dogs, but I’m sure everyone has met a relative or someone missing a body part.  There’s always a story to go along with that.  And this thing is in a jar! A jar for pete’s sake!  There are lots of things in the game that come in jars, but none of them get me as fascinated as this thing.  It could be Tyr’s missing hand, or maybe Vezax’s other hand, or maybe both!

    The most likely story is that it belonged to some unfortunate soul you questioned the quality of the store’s primary product: Big sharp things. The store probably held on to it as an example of exactly how top notch their blades are.  Is that something people are really proud of?  “Our weapons are so sharp, they severed someone’s arm off while they were window shopping!”  While I will admit that is a great endorsement for how sharp your big sharp things are, I don’t think that it’s a successful way to drum in new business.  I don’t know too many people who go out shopping thinking that the place that someone got crushed by giant television is the best place to peruse.  Maybe they’ll just stick with Amazon, or a store that doesn’t stack their TVs so hazardously.

    Personally, I would have just went with a sign that says “Do Not Touch.”

  • How Not To Hold Prisoners

    Just use your hat to pick the lock or something!

    Location: Warden’s Cage, Shadowmoon Valley

    Faction: Neutral

    Illidan Stormrage.  Do I have to say anything else?  He’s become a punchline unto himself. The Betrayer went from a sympathetic anti-hero, to a villain, to the Warcraft equivalent of an old man sitting on his porch and yelling for those darn kids to get off his Outland.  Granted some people still like him for… various reasons. But really he’s just a fruit loop at this point.  He steals water,  sucks magic out the air with giant mana vacuums, attacks Shattrath for no reason and imprisons his arch-enemy a stone’s throw from his front door guarded by the least trustworthy of his lieutenants.  These are the desperate attempts for attention you’d expect from an episode of Captain Planet or a Silver-Age Superman comic.

    I mean, ultimately the only one of his Lieutenants that actually doesn’t back stab him is Vashj.  Probably because Illi-beans and the Naga have so much history between them.  However, I wouldn’t have put Akama in charge of anything as important as guarding Warden’s Cage.  Why?  Because I have common sense. Akama has the least reason to be trusted.  The only reason he even joined Illidan’s forces was because the Broken wanted Magtheridon to leave them the hell alone.  Once that was done, they had no reason to care about what Illidan wanted. Yet The Sets-Himself-Up-To-Be-Easily-Betrayed goes ahead and gives them the keys to the one person who has betrayed her own people just to ensure that Illidan goes back into his hole: Maiev Shadowsong.

    Can someone please send Illidan a copy of the Evil Overlord List at this point?  This is almost up there with leaving the key an inch out of arms reach from the cell and assuming that will be sufficient.  The only thing that makes this worse is that Maiev is in her prison cell in full battle attire.  Granted, she doesn’t have her weapon at the moment, but he armor provides enough pointy bits that you could easily shank your way out of that prison with them.  I can’t even think of a reason to let her keep it.  At all.  There is no justification in the world that would lead me to think that letting a prisoner keep gloves with claw fingers and bladed shoulder pads would be okay.  It makes me want to kill Illidan just out of spite for his stupidity!

    But wait – Illidan isn’t alone in the stupidity.  Maiev doesn’t think of any of these things either.  She simply goes along with Akama’s sit and wait plan.  What the heck are you waiting for?  A key? The entrance is a hole in the wall.  A weakened opposition? Well, all the trash and bosses seemed ready for intruders. The attunement is apparently just a medallion that doesn’t really seem to do anything and a distraction so they can run into the giant gaping hole in the wall.   At no point does she seem to register that she’s wearing weapons.  This however remains consistent with what we know.  If Illidan is a crazy moron, than what does it take to be captured by him?

    I know I already did a post on a lot of the shortcomings that Illidan has as a villain.  But at no point does it seem that he’s even competent enough to be a minor villain.  His plans are childish, his army is dumber than bricks, and his nemesis is kept nearly fully armed and within walking distance of his home.  This is so bad, it is almost satirical in nature.  All we need is him yelling about wanting Netherdrakes with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.

  • Okay, We Get It. Blood Elves Are Evil.

    Eye of Saur... Saltheril?
    For itchy, red eyes – Try clear eyes. (It's hard to do Ben Stein in text)

    Location: Saltheril’s Haven, Eversong Woods

    Faction: Horde

    Back when The Burning Crusade was the next big thing, there was a lot of talk about the Blood Elves.  They originally had scrawnier models that looked weak, so Blizz buffed up the models to look like… well… models. The other concern was with their attitude.  Were the blood elves bad enough muthas to actually belong to the Horde.  Blizzard’s answer to this?  To make blood elves as evil as humanly possible.  They were magic crack addicts, they stole holy power from a quasi-angel-deity-thing, they used slave labor, and they would exploit every single opening their enemies left to them.  Heck they were so underhanded that even their leader turned around and back-stabbed them.

    But when I first played a blood elf, I had my own reasons for thinking they were pure evil.  Granted, I was a warlock, so I just rolled with it.  The tip off was hidden deep within Saltheril’s little party pad.  If you wander past Salthy and in to his little pavilion/house/hut/fab-pad, you’ll find an honest to goodness palantír from the Lord of the Rings.  While this wouldn’t be the first time Warcraft has borrowed from LotR, this is the first time a player race just hasn’t artifacts from it lying about the house the way you would a coffee table book or Hummels.

    The only thing that makes this worse is the fact that the palantír seems to be permanently channeling Sauron and his ever Visine-starved eyeball. So essentially, even the most party orientated elf in Eversong Woods is rocking a constant video chat with the most evil being in Middle-Earth.  Not entirely surprising when Prince Kael’thas (who much like Princess Leia somehow never ascends the throne despite the fact that they are the only remaining members of the royal family) is making deals with one of Warcraft’s equivalents of the devil.

    I wonder what other completely evil beings are making contact with the elves of Eversong?  Is Hexxus helping burn the trees?  Maybe Chernabog is chilling at the top of Duskwither Spire?  Maybe Miley Cyrus is hiding out at the East Sanctum?

  • Maybe In Dwarven It Means ‘Hello’?

    It's funny. I never seem to be grossed out when animal statues do this…

    Location: Stonewrought Dam, Loch Modan/Wetlands

    Faction: Alliance

    I have to wonder some days exactly what is going through the minds of some races.  At what point did a group of dwarves layout the structure for this dam and go “You know what? I think this needs some more spitting.”  Especially when you realize this is the first sight you’re gonna see as you ride out of neutral territory and into dwarven lands – a giant stone dwarf head spitting at you.  Just from a strictly PR perspective, this is not a good idea.

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  • The ‘Pride’ of the Alliance (Part 2)

    Last post I discussed some of the reasons I felt there were to actually be proud to play an Alliance character.  They stood against those who would see them dead, they sacrificed their lives in an unknown world for safety back home, and they managed to get Gilneas, Dalaran and Alterac to play nice (a historically difficult task).  The Alliance have just as much right to beat their chests just as hard as the Horde.  But that only answers half of the question.  There is another issue that we must address before I can call this rant about the Alliance done.  What happened to Alliance pride?  Why don’t we beat our chests like the Horde and scream out a battlecry in the face of an enemy?

    Well, there was a little something that happened between the Second War and World of Warcraft.  Something that I personally believe to be the downfall of the Alliance sense of pride in itself and only reinforced the pride of the Horde.  A little something called The Third War.

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  • The “Pride” of the Alliance? (Part I)

    Kiddo over at Journal of a WoW Kiddie posted an interesting thought about the lack of pride amongst the Alliance forces.  It got me thinking about the topic too.  Kiddo raises a lot of good points on the matter, namely the surge of spite at a number of King Wrynn’s recent actions as well as the lack of a real battle cry that simply isn’t piggybacking on the Horde’s (I wholeheartedly support the use of “For Bolvar”). However, my personal thoughts on this matter run deeper, and much older, than the return of our good king. (No, that’s not sarcasm. I like King Wrynn.  Especially after playing Horde for two years and dealing with Thrall’s “Lets pretend to be friends with the Alliance” while Horde and Alliance blood is still being spilled on the soil daily.)

    When I first started playing World of Warcraft, and as I understand this is still true, the Alliance are viewed as the good ‘clean’ races.  The humans and their allies – a stockpile of stereotypical fantasy fare – who think they are the last bastions of good in an otherwise darkening world.  The Horde on the other hand are a ragtag band of fantasy underdogs and ‘bad asses’, and are hardened because of their tough lot of not being the “good ones.”  People love their underdogs and anti-heroes.  After all, people like Batman more than Superman and Wolverine more than Cyclops for a reason.  But it wasn’t always that way with the Alliance and the Horde.

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  • And I Thought Ring Around the Rosie Was Creepy

    Judging from their tilted heads and vacant stares... I'd say their bored out their skulls.
    Judging by their tilted heads and vacant stares… I'm gonna guess they're bored out of their skulls.

    Location: Scholomance, Western Plaguelands

    Faction:     Neutral

    Back when I lived in Santa Fe, New Mexico (Never again. NEVER. AGAIN.), there was a school there called School for the Deaf. One day, when I was driving around with my family, my sister saw the sign but the “F” in deaf was blocked by a tree. So she went with her first instinct and said “A school for the dead?” We all had a nice chuckle about that, and I still remember that story every time I wander down into the eerie depths of Scholomance. Namely because from the various images and design choices throughout the place, you have to wonder exactly who this school catered to? Lore dictates that it was a school for up and coming Necromancers, but exactly at what age did these Necromancers start their training? Namely because I stumbled upon a room where I found the strangest group of skeletons, that appear to be playing ‘Duck duck goose’.

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  • World of That's &%$#ing Awesome!

    (From the Blog Azeroth Shared Topic Forums)

    There’s something to be said for how many things I routinely find in Warcraft that just leave me sitting there with my jaw agape and eyes wide, enough so that I decided to start an entire blog based on the stuff I find.  I rarely traverse the world by roads anymore because I never know what I might find.  But what is there in this brave not-entirely-new-but-still-pretty-recent world that simply leaves me floored?

    Well, the first time in my memory would still have to be the first time I ever entered Ironforge.  Let’s go back to a younger, more innocent, and somewhat thinner Vrykerion back in November of 2006…   Damn, I looked fine.  But I digress, I had just gotten my copy of Vanilla WoW.  This was after using the 10 day trial which the majority of which was spent as trying to get through the Night Elf starter zone with my perma-grimacing warrior (After six days, imagine my surprise when I dinged level 6 and walked out into Teldrassil proper.  “Wait… There’s MORE?”).

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  • Wealth is Not Easy to Obtain

    A Chest Trapped Atop the Western Sanctum
    Look at it sitting there, it taunts me! I'LL KILL YOU CHEST!

    Location: The Western Sanctum, Eversong Woods

    Faction: Horde

    I know, the title sounds like a fortune cookie.  But this is a bit of a zen riddle already.  That or some wacky practical joke courtesy of Blizzard.  If you travel to the Western Sanctum and go around behind it where the little mountain is, then look back at the Sanctum, you’ll spot a second floor to the building.  This isn’t uncommon, all these style of buildings in Blood Elf territories have second floors.  For instance, that’s where the portal from Shattrath to Quel’Danas is located.

    The difference here is that while many of these buildings can access the second exterior floor, the Western Sanctum is not among them.  Again, this doesn’t sound like a big deal.  You’re probably reading this and wondering exactly what is so weird that I feel the need to explain all of these extremely obvious facts to you.  But I really want to paint the picture of exactly how weird this is.  You see, on this ledge on the second floor that you cannot reach by any means…  there is a treasure chest.  Yes, a chest spawn point is on that second floor.

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