VRYKERION

  • Warchief Election: A New Challenger Appears

    Well, I mentioned earlier this week that we had received some announcements for the new Warchief candidate that had decided to squeeze into Deathwing’s old spot (He’s still sending us emails. Nonsensical trash like “The Barrens shall burn in my wake!” or “Not even Southshore shall be spared my wrath!” and some such), but we were discussing the best way to announce it.  Well, when we got a look at the campaign ad, that issue was quickly resolved.  So here it is ladies and gentlemen, squeaking in just before debate season starts, your new fifth candidate for Warchief:

    That’s right, Horde.  The Banshee Queen is on the scene.  I wasn’t kidding when I said that Basic Campfire and Thrall had better watch out, because the Queen of the Dead is packing some major support.  Until now there hadn’t been a candidate that the Forsaken had truly backed. Oh sure, some of them liked Thrall and others really enjoyed Basic Campfire’s easy to get behind platform, but all bets are off when Sylvanas Windrunner throws her hat in the ring. Even a large number of Blood Elves have decided to support Windrunner as the new warchief.

    The Dark Lady is a hard candidate to follow, she’s proven her chops against both the Alliance and the Scourge, not to mention her dedication to the Horde by accepting the help of Thrall to recapture the Undercity from insurgents that she could have easily joined up with.  Her Royal Apothecary Society has created some of the most potent biological weapons ever seen, and the Alliance has seen that she doesn’t mind testing them on live subjects.

    While some detractors have mentioned that using weapons like the New Plague as a deterrent could have troublesome repercussions, some do admit that it’s better than the policy of open war that Garrosh has been advocating.  The tauren have been especially out spoken against the announcement of Windrunner’s candidacy, seeing forsaken leadership as one step closer to a possible ‘Lich King’ scenario.  Lady Sylvanas dismissed such complaints, “The Lich King is dead but we are still here.  If that’s not proof enough that we’re not in league with Scourge, I don’t know what is.”

    I don’t think I need to express how much of a game changer the appearance of Lady Windrunner is in this election.  With legions of voters including the forsaken, the sin’dorei, and many female voters openly expressing their support for this new candidate, we should expect even more heated debates coming this next week.  For those of you out there who wish to support Lady Sylvanas Windrunner as a candidate, her team was kind enough to do up a new button for everyone.  They’ve made some of their own changes to it:

  • Me Naxxramas Need New Strategy

    Where? The Carrion Fields, Dragonblight

    There’s something to be said for the Lich King.  Granted, I’ve already said it, but it bears repeating.  The guy has massive power at his fingertips and has little to no strategy.  You let the greatest heroes of Azeroth get to your throne and then try to convert them into powerful servants and just assume that it’ll all work out in your favor.  Wonderful, brilliant, a stroke of genius.  I’m sure not one of your generals would have pointed out the number of logical missteps and oversight that plan had, namely because the Lich King comes off as the type of evil overlord who kills people who disagree with him.

    But what does this have to do with what I’m talking about today?  Well, I was flying about my business in the Dragonblight the other day when a strange thought hit me as I passed over Wintergarde Keep.  Why the heck is Naxxramas positioned over the Carrion Fields?  I mean, the position of Naxxramas in the Eastern Plaguelands always seemed to make some sense, it was positioned over Stratholme, a fortified city that was controlled almost entirely by the Scourge (The Loonies held one building and the western square, but they hardly were much of a threat to the Scourge.)  So it made sense to establish your floating citadel of death and doom above it.  Kind of. Not really.

    The necropoli were designed to be mobile fortresses for massive deployment of Scourge forces directly in enemy territory.  The shining example of this was the use of Acherus the Ebon Hold to lay siege to the Loonies’ city and take control of New Avalon before the Scarlet Nutballs had a chance to react.  No sooner than the capture of Havenshire, the Ebon Blade had already captured the chapel and the house out by the Orchard and began to assault the city proper.  This is how the Necropoli should have been utilized.

    Instead what do we have?  Well, during both Scourge Invasions, the necropoli were positioned outside of the major cities of both factions and also some really strange locations.  I mean, I can see sending a necropolis to the Blasted Lands, as it would actually be quite advantageous to seize control of the Dark Portal.  However, sending one to the south end of the Eastern Plagueland, and desolate pointless places like Azshara or Winterspring never quite made sense to me.  Also, why not position your forces directly over the enemy cities? Dropping your forces in mass right in the middle of the city streets.  Can you imagine dropping a cauldron of the plague of undeath directly into the middle of Stormwind?  Certainly this can’t be accomplished with every city, Ironforge and the Undercity both lie buried under the earth, and the Exodar has a roof over the entire place.  The strategy however works more than it doesn’t, and shouldn’t be disregarded so quickly.

    This brings me back to Naxxramas and the Carrion Fields.  My understanding is that the Carrion Fields are where the lowest tier of the town of Wintergarde stood.  It fell to the Scourge, and thus it became the Carrion Fields.  Not bad, direct deployment to take control and everything.  But why the heck start at the bottom of the hill?  Wouldn’t it have been a smidge better if you had started your attack at, oh you know, the center of the fortress on the hill instead of the town below it?  You know, leave a less fortified area for the 7th Legion to hole up in?  I mean it’s the 7th Legion for Pete’s sake.  Do you know what they are capable of? (For those not aware of what the 7th Legion is capable of I suggest you read up on them here.  They are AWESOME.)

    This is sadly just another example of the Lich King’s complete and utter lack of strategic ability.  It’s not surprising considering he is the fusion of a stubborn prince who burned his own boats on purpose and an orc whose great idea for getting the hell out of Draenor was to open more and more portals till the planet was shredded.  Still, I have to wonder how then, did the Lich King manage to so eloquently recruit the Cult of the Damned and spread the plague grain across Lordaeron without being noticed for so long.  Did merging with Arthas drag him down?  Did the scheming foursome of color coded dreadlords come up with it?  Was it actually Kel’Thuzad or something?

    It’d be pretty sad if it was Kel’Thuzad.  Sitting on his chair in Naxxramas with his skull in his hands repeating over and over, “We’re doing this all wrong.  Why didn’t we just go with my idea and start at the top of the hill?  Why do we always listen to HIS ideas?”  Probably cause he’d kill you if you didn’t, Kel.  He’s just that kind of evil overlord.

  • Double Dose of (Election) Threats

    Well, this is it folks.  The last two camps of the 2010 Warchief Elections have delivered their ads, and boy are they…  um…  well let’s call it ‘unique.’ The first one of these we got was a small paper flyer that was pushed through our mail slot the other day.  It’s got all the production quality of a college student with Photoshop and a nearby Kinko’s. So, well, here’s Richard Knaak’s ad:

    We sent out people to every single Horde capital in order to get a response on this one.  Generally, all we got was “Who is Richard Knaak?” and “What in the nether is a retcon?”  We tried to explain to them that the Draenei were a retcon which was generally met with “No. The Draenei are demons.”  After our teams decided this was a lost cause we headed to Dalaran to ask Rhonin about this.  When we showed him the flyer, he had a concerned look on his face: “I don’t normally get involved in the politics of the different factions, but I don’t think he’s joking.”

    What exactly would Knaak retcon if not elected?  One would assume he’d make himself the new warchief, but there are a number of other possibilities.  What if he changed the Horde so it was a run by a council of each races leaders and there was no warchief at the head of it all?  While it wouldn’t cater to desire to be all powerful, it would thoroughly change everything for no reason and upset the fans of the Horde, which would still be in line with much of Knaak’s M.O.

    However, Knaak’s ad wasn’t the only one that we got to see this week.  We finally got to see “Daval Prestor” who apparently, after realizing that no one was buying that pseudonym twice, has dropped the name and just come in to the game as Deathwing proper.  His campaign statement is a bit on the forced side in my opinion:

    At first, I thought the Vote or Die thing was just a throwback to that ‘get teens to vote’ thing a few years back, but then I remembered that it’s Deathwing.  That’s probably just an honest to goodness threat to voters.  While I don’t think this course of action is necessarily legal, I am not going to be the one to tell the giant dragon that has magma pouring out of his body.  Surprisingly, the voter support for this one was very strong.  Many people we talked to were very much in favor of not dying it turns out and they said that will definitely be considering that when they show up to vote.

    Not surprisingly, the Forsaken are not taken with this ad – again. “We’re already dead!  What use is it to threaten us with it again?  Deathwing is obviously missing the point of what it is to be a walking corpse.”  says Ageron Kargal, a resident of the town of Brill, “I mean, when are the Forsaken are going to get a Warchief that respects and understands us?”  To date, while some Forsaken have been polled wanting to elect one candidate or another, many are undecided for this very reason.  Who can blame them?  With the exception of Basic Campfire, all the candidates are very much alive – a fact that sets them distinctly apart from the population of the Undercity.

    However, following the release of Deathwing’s campaign ad, there was quite a stir in terms of the election.  It turns out there was a problem with Deathwing’s run for Warchief.  As the Horde by laws clearly state: “A potential Warchief must exist on this plane of existence in order to run.”  We sent a correspondent to Deepholm to ask the Destroyer for his opinion – but he was quickly devoured.  However, murdering tyrant or not, his name will be taken off the ballot come election due to this.  In response to this, Deathwing issued a press release that simply stated: “You want me on your plane?  Very well. I WILL BE THERE SOON.”  The press release appeared to have been written in blood.  Possibly that of our correspondent.

    However this does leave an interesting twist on Election.  With Deathwing out of the running, there is a vacant slot on the ballot.  Will someone step forth the fill it?  Who would even try considering the massive amounts of support already given to Thrall and Basic Campfire?  Is there someone in Azeroth crazy enough to jump in to a losing race?  We shall see.

    The Candidates have all released their ads, and with debate season quickly approaching what will can we expect from the four final candidates? Will someone snatch up that last open ballot position?  Keep it tuned in here to OddCraft as we are dedicated to bringing you up to date coverage of the Warchief Election!

  • Shared Topic: Triage and You!

    This topic is the weekly Shared Topic over at Blog Azeroth! If you want to join this awesome group of awesome WoW bloggers, head over to the website and sign up!

    So when should the healer let someone die?  Well assuming this means occassions other than when they make fun or insult your class, race, capability to heal, sexual prowess or haircut than I would have to say it’s a pretty clear cut case for me.  To illustrate how simple it is, I made a flowchart (because simple things always need a flow chart):

    See how simple that is?  Umm… well…  It was simple when I thought of it.  Allow me to attempt to simplify!  Ahem.  DON’T BE STUPID AND YOU WILL BE HEALED.  Does that work?  However, I don’t just play a healer.  Less we forget the sheer awesomeness that is Puff the Gnome Death Knight!

    So how would I make a chart for a cute adorable death knight?  Well, it would have to much more complicated than the healer one.  Simply because of the myriad of conditionals and options that would go into healing as a Death Knight.  Let me see if I can sum this one up also as a flow chart:

    There we go! That should clear things up pretty much.  So there you have it.  A simple way to decide whether or not to heal or not to heal for both actual healers and Death Knights.  However, I should stress that these do not hold up always in a raid environment. Because in a raid environment, you can always just let the other healers deal with it, and then blame them when it goes wrong.  Not that I do that, but it is a valid strategy when it comes to triage.

    Also, it’s easier to let people die if you’re good looking.  I learned this from watching E.R. *nodnod*

  • Of Cabbages and Kings and Statues

    And why the sea is freezing cold and whether frenzy fish have wings…

    Location: The Eventide, Dalaran

    This thing has been bugging me since the beginning of Wrath of the Lich King, but I wasn’t able to put my finger on it till recently.  In the Eventide, there is the most infamous fountain in all of WoW.  Why? Because you fish coins out of it!  I’m not going to go into the possible ramifications of stealing coins from a wishing well in a world where magic actually exists (from a fountain in a city of wizards no less).  I’m sure those kind of actions will have their own ramifications that will make for excellent fodder for a horror flick or a romantic comedy.  No, I am talking about the sculpture sitting over the pond o’ goldfish (and occasionally coins, but never that last one you need and have been sitting there and waiting for until 4am and you have work the next day.)

    It’s one of those funky looking walrus things from the Howling Fjord! Technically, it’s a Reef Cow.  It’s still an ugly as sin animal that has no place being sculpted, but that’s just my opinion.  That’s not even the real issue here. Let me explain my real problem with this statue.  Dalaran is a city-state that once rested at the base of the Alterac Mountains along the shores of Lordamere Lake.  In a predominantly human (now also forsaken) region.  The story goes, or so we’re told, that after its destruction at the hands of Archimonde, Dalaran popped inside a pink bubble and starting to rebuild.  In my head, I always pictured it like in the Harry Potter movies, where the destruction goes in reverse until everything is back to normal – but they probably rebuilt it the normal way.

    My understanding though was that after the reconstruction was complete, they moved the city to Northrend.  Am I alone on this?  Because I am very curious about why there is a sculpture of an animal that is native only to Northrend in the reconstructed Dalaran.  Did they get some wild eyed sculptor from the Howling Fjord to travel all the way back down the Alterac just to do this statue?  Were they just so captivated by this creature that they just had to immortalize in stone for all mages to see?  I can’t imagine anything else!  Either someone who had studied reef cows made this monstrosity of stone before the city was moved, or the mages of Dalaran got to Northrend, decided the fountain needed some pizazz and saw a reef cow and thought that thing best represented the beauty of the floating magical city.

    While we’re on the note of this weird sculpture, why is the reef cow eating frenzies?  There are no frenzies in the Howling Fjord!  The only place in Northrend where frenzies can be found is in the Sholazar Basin (which would lead me to take a guess that maybe the titans had a hand in creating these psychotic killer fish…  still no clue how they ended up in the Serpentshrine Cavern though.)  But there are no reef cows in the Basin.  There are no reason these two species to even have come into contact, and based on my past experience with frenzy fish – the damn walrus should be DEAD.  Just a skeleton, not even a speck of meat left on those bones.

    If anything this just further solidifies the idea that the mages of Dalaran are all completely insane.  They’re friend their brains on sucking up arcane energy and this is what we get.  When the next generation of mages arrive to study the craft, they’ll be looking at this statue like we look at what our people considered art in the 1960’s. The ugly walrus statue will be the tie dye of the wizard society.

  • Warchief Election: Thrall’s Message of Unity

    Probably the most closely watched candidate for this election is the current Warchief, Thrall.  Under his leadership, the Horde has seen a great deal of progress. While many have argued that Thrall’s achievements are pulling the Horde in the direction of compromise and surrender, no one can argue that the Horde is the strongest it’s been since the First War. Some would argue it’s even stronger, with Thrall’s initiative to push shamanism back in to the limelight and strict regulation of demon related magic.

    Whoever ends up taking the mantle of the Warchief is going to be stepping into Thrall’s footsteps, so it’s no surprise everyone has been eagerly anticipating the Warchief’s own campaign ad to see how the others would measure up.  As we reported earlier, Thrall’s campaign team was testing a number of possibilities to see what would work best and now we can finally see the fruits of their labor:

    It seems that the ad is almost a direct counter to Garrosh’s own ad.  Unlike Garrosh’s ad, Thrall’s features all the races of the Horde – including the recently inducted Goblins and Taunka – as opposed to Garrosh’s Orc-only poster.  Like Basic Campfire, it also delivers a simple message: ‘We Are Horde.’  A strong statement, albeit a bit high concept compared to the simple declaration of ‘Cook.’ Still a good reminder that the Horde is together in this struggle, no matter what, and we can’t afford to forget some in the process.

    However that tone is also striking up some controversy amongst some.  In Thunder Bluff, many disagree with the message based on a long standing distrust of the Forsaken, “Even if the Lich King has been defeated, the undead are one bad day away from looking at us as food instead of allies.”   While this opinion is not held by the majority of the Tauren, it is a very vocal minority.  Some have even pointed out that Cairne Bloodhoof himself took issue with the Forsaken, “And now the Warchief is going to forget the potential threat under some phony campaign push for unity?”

    The idea of the Forsaken as a ‘potential threat’ is also causing a fuss in the Undercity over this campaign ad: “Yes, of course, We are Horde.  That’s why the Warchief’s personal guard has this city under constant watch. Nothing says brotherhood like sending armored babysitters to watch every hall of our city.” says Cedric Stumpel, an Undercity local, “Sometimes I wonder even why the Dark Lady sits on her throne.”  Lady Windrunner declined an offer to make a statement regarding the ad.

    However, the message is making a strong impression with the Blood Elves who view their inclusion in the ad as a sign of growing acceptance as members of the Horde.  The Taunka and Goblins were also pleased to be included.  Could their numbers be what turns this election in favor of Thrall?  Even their diminished populations are a daunting size that could easily secure Thrall’s future to continue his work as Warchief.

    The Warchief Election is heating up! Now with only Deathwing and Richard Knaak’s campaign ads left, the voters are already drawing the battle lines! Follow all of Oddcraft’s election coverage by clicking HERE!

  • Barrens Beautification Project Begins

    The Barrens.  Even the name doesn’t bring pleasant images to mind.  Across these dusty plains lies a couple of trees and maybe an oasis here or there.  The appearance just sets a somber tone for the many young Horde adventurers who will be spending a good deal of time here.  The lack of traffic has been noticeable to those who try to make a living in their harsh landscape.  Sergra Darkthorn, a well known figure at the Horde settlement of the Crossroads, was quick to air her thoughts on the problem: “Too many young ones are walking across the bridge from Durotar and seeing this wide flat mess of dirt and weeds that contains a couple of animals, and little to look it.  So they say why bother with the Barrens, spending hours killing quillboar to help the Horde and dealing with the cowardly Alliance attacks, we could just go hang out in the Ghostlands instead – it’s pretty there and they give nicer rewards too!  …By the spirits, I hate the Ghostlands.”

    Even the Alliance are happy to see "Gongs and S***" in the Barrens

    Sergra isn’t the only one to notice the lack of adventurers coming through the area.  Local legend Mankrik has been extremely distressed about the lack of aid, “I’ve written letters to the Warchief, I’ve asked every one of the vendors for help, and I get nothing. Without the help of some of these traveling adventurers, I don’t think I’ll ever find my dear wife.”  Mankrik’s wife went missing five years ago, and so far no one has been able to give him directions to her current whereabouts. “Oh I’ve seen some experienced soldiers coming in from Northrend.  Gussied up in their armor pulled off the dead of Icecrown.  Seeking me out for some story to tell.  They don’t care about my problems.  They drop in, say she’s down south somewhere, dead – They THINK. Then they put a notch on their sheet and off they go, trying to prove something I guess.”

    The people of the Crossroads are not taking this lying down though.  They’ve begun what they’re calling the Big Barrens Beautification Project, or the 3B Project for short.  Working on creating a more presentable appearance across the Barrens.  “We’ve gone all out with some of these new ‘sight stations’ as we’re calling them.” says Boorand Plainswind, the innkeeper at the Crossroads, “We’ve flown in baskets from Thunderbluff, some fine rugs from Orgrimmar, and even the trolls donated some things.  We’re trying to make them as eye catching as possible.”

    The technique has proven to be quite successful, as both the Alliance and Horde are taking notice of the new Sight Stations. We caught up with Orïgnalgnkstä, a night elf rogue, who had this to say about the changes: “I wuz all like time to go killz some lowbie hordiez, but den I saw this thing off the side of the road and I was like… whoa…  they gotz gongs and s*** out here now.”  Even some fresh young faces just heading out from Durotar commented on how eye catching they were.  Chainheelzftw, a troll shaman, shared her feelings with us: “I just saw this weird set up sitting over by the mountain.  It didn’t look like the Centaur made it so I like checked it out.  I mean it was like just a bunch of tarps and stuff, but it was like so random.  I just stood there wondering like… Why?”  One of Chainheelzftw’s friend, a Tauren by the name of Manox, mentioned that he found the stations to be “neat” and a “cool little detail”

    So there you have it, some dedicated souls out here in the Barrens, trying to make things a little “cool”-er for all the world weary travelers out here.

  • The Chilling Sounds of Father’s Day

    Father’s Day is always an interesting holiday in Azeroth, after three wars in the past twenty-five years the holiday has taken a very somber tone for many.  Reports of the Horde’s warchief is spending the day in the isolation of a cliff side in the hills of Alterac in quiet meditation.  Drek’Thar, one of the warchief’s generals and spiritual advisers has mentioned that the holiday is a rough time for the already troubled warchief, “Thrall never knew his parents,  killed his former master in the battle of Durnholde, and lost a father figures in Orgrim Doomhammer.  Yes, I think the holiday is a bit of a sore subject with the Warchief.”  Thrall is not alone in his desire for solitude this Father’s Day, as Varok Saurfang, the commander of the Kor’kron Guard in Northrend, took leave to go to Outland and visit the Ancestral Grounds in Nagrand for the weekend to “celebrate his pride as a father in his own way.”

    Also celebrating in his own is Garrosh Hellscream, who is reported to be spending Father’s Day in a tavern yelling at other orcs about how his father is “the greatesht hero the Horde has ever known” and how they were lucky that his bloodline continues in their “future bestest warchief evers.”  The King of Stormwind took some time to take his son off to Lordamere Lake, just off the coast of Hillsbrad, where they fished and King Varian told young Anduin stories of King Llane and King Terenas.  Meanwhile, on the shores of Kalimdor, Lady Jaina Proudmoore held a solemn procession in remembrance of the many father’s that were lost in the first, second and third wars.  The entire population of Theramore turned up as Jaina led a mock navy funeral for those who had passed, including her own father, Lord Admiral Daelin Proudmoore.

    However the most interesting tale of Father’s Day is coming from the freezing halls of Icecrown Citadel, as many members of both the Argent Crusade and the Ebon Blade awoke to find a good deal of their alcohol had gone missing, coupled with the sounds of the loud shouting of obscenities and slightly disturbing echoes of sobs reverberating through the Citadel from the Frozen Throne at its peak.  The majority of the invading forces have decided to not attempt to press the attack into the fortress of the Lich King today.  “The men are saying it’s out of respect,” says Crok Scourgebane, a champion of the Ebon Blade, “but it’s really cause the sound alone is making these whelps wet themselves.”

    Highlord Tirion Fordring however saw a silver lining to the presence of a drunk and depressed Lich King, “Maybe I was wrong – and perhaps Jaina was right and there is something left of Arthas in there after all.” but the Highlord’s somewhat lifted tone was quickly soured, “But I wouldn’t want to face him today.  There’s not a force on Azeroth that could make me do something that stupid.”

  • Op-Odd: Speech in Azeroth

    There’s a menace that has become deeply entrenched in very way of life that we all enjoy across the world of Azeroth.  A menace that spouts profanity, hate, and things best never said to another living being.  From my earliest experiences in World of Warcraft, this problem has existed.  To put it simply, no matter what incarnation of WoW you’ve ever played, there has always been a chat channel – at least one – that has been a wretched den of scum and villainy that would make Mos Eisley look like a day care center in comparison.  For the moment, this channel is called ‘Trade Chat’.

    Where else in Azeroth can you find a rant about how the president of the United States should be *bleep* *bleep* *expletive deleted* with a *bleep* up his *expletive deleted* and then find people have a rousing but profanity filled debate about it at two in the morning?  That the simplest requests for information are responded to with personal attacks and claims of vulgar actions against one’s mother that apparently took place last night (despite the fact that surely such actions would have awoken your sleeping dog and startled the rest of the house to alarm, so you think you would have heard about it).  Yes, there is a rotten, foul stench to the trade chat these days and people are quick to claim that Blizzard should step up to tighten the reigns and exert extensive control over what can be said on the trade chat channel.

    Of course! How simple. Just have Blizzard monitor the trade chat to keep it clean from offensive material, or to keep the LFG requests in the seldom used LFG channel, or to keep it only to trade interactions.  As you can see there’s already some issue as to what needs to be policed by Blizzard. Some don’t mind non-trade talk in the trade channels and some people do.  Some people don’t like trade chat is used for people who are recruiting for PuGs or filling that last spot in their raid and others are completely fine with this.  So ultimately, you’re going to be stepping on toes either direction you go.  Not to mention the fact that policing trade chat is above and beyond the on-call GMs that already employed.  Trade chat police would have to be able to watch and control the trade channels 24 hours a day, 7 days a week – with the exception of when the realm is down for maintenance.  Combine that with the fact that there are over 200 realms each with their own trade chats in just the United States alone, and you’ve got a money sucking operation hell bent on ensuring that the channels only be used for whatever the predetermined purpose would be.  So designating enough moderators to cover every single realm across the planet, for every hour that it’s online, is a taxing experience.  Now imagine a possibly overworked, completely unloved and unappreciated moderator being in charge of what you can and can’t say in their channels?  Oh yes, I see this ending well.

    I must raise a point that I have to be extremely careful with my wording here.  There’s a great temptation to call the action of policing and blocking messages in trade chat ‘censorship.’  In my opinion, it is not.  Censorship is an action dictated by the government. If the supreme court or FCC decides that something should be silenced or not be made available to the public due to its content or nature, that is censorship.  If a store decides to not carry a book because of its risque content or Blizzard decides to crack the whip on what is and isn’t allowed in the trade chat, that is the decision of a private business.  It can cost them customers, but it’s not censorship.  It’s kind of like how since Blizzard owns the servers we play on and the forums we post on, it’s not covered by free speech.

    More importantly, the problem isn’t new.  Before the trade chat, there was the global defense and realm-wide LFG channels.  Same problems, only not restricted to the cities.  Trade chat is just the current incarnation of this problem and the problem isn’t global channels. After all, if you decided to block all the non-trade talk in trade chat, it would move to the LFG chat.  If you stop it there, then there is no global chat channels for open talk.  After all, the general chat channels are city specific, the defense channels are zone specific, and while some might see the fact that you can’t communicate with people between cities except to trade or LFG as a perk, I have no doubt that a lot more people will be *bleeping bleeped*.

    The real problem here is a matter of human nature, something that’s much more difficult to regulate.  It’s actually two problems.  The first is the well known Gabe’s Theory that insists that given both an audience and total anonymity, the most sensible person can become a complete ass.  The second is a gut reaction people seem to have, an utter lack of ability at points to let something go.  If someone cuts you off in traffic, part of you wants to go out of your way to make that guy miserable or to exert the same asshatery to someone else as it’s apparently okay for someone else to do it to you.  These two aspects of human nature, when combined, create the volatile powder keg known as the trade chat.  A goblin would be proud.

    So does Blizzard need to step in?  No.  Just no.  There is no way that Blizzard exerting control over the trade chat will do much more than utterly *bleep* the *bleeping bleep* out of the player base and suck giant wads of cash out of Blizzard’s pocket to do it.  So is there a solution to this problem? Yes, an easy one, but you’re not gonna like it: Surrender.  Give the trolls the trade chat.  Seriously.  Spread the world to start a separate custom made channel for trade business.  Make it clear that this channel will be for only those who want to sell and trade goods.  Will you have the occasional jerk who will want to dip in and harass you legitimate business people?  Sure, that happens in real life too, but as long as the trolls aren’t looking for a new bridge to tease and torture from, you have a good chance that you’re channel will be safe. What if no one else rallies behind you’re channel?  Well, then obviously you’re in the minority about having an issue dealing with trade chat.  Suck it up, use the auction house, and stay the heck out of trade chat for your own sanity.

    There’s never going to be a perfect solution to this problem.  I wish people on my server knew how the hell to use /LFR but no one does and the LFG channel is emptier than the Silithus general chat.  The trolls where go wherever they can have the most exposure, and Trade Chat is it for now.  Yes, ignoring them and reporting them is not an acceptable solution to many, but it’s better the alternative. Complete and utter anal [retentive] authoritative control over speech in WoW.

  • L. Gnight Shaman’s ‘Old Town’

    Welcome back folks to the final installment of the Stormwind Tour.  We’ve had an eccentric tour thus far to say the least, but no worries.  We have a new tour guide here with us now and his psychological profile check has proven to be way more stable than the last guy.  Now enjoy, as we bring to you Stormwind’s oldest district simply known to the locals as Old Town.

    Hiya folks! Welcome to Old Town! Named such for the fact that much of this district actually predates the Reconstruction of Stormwind after the Second War.  It’s kind of got that classic Gnorman Steamwell feel to it of small town Azeroth in my opinion that makes it one of the most endearing…  Are they gone yet?  No one see those pricks from OddCraft?

    Right then! They thought they got rid of me! HA! One good fake interview and a fake mustache and I’m back on top! After all, You’re MY tour group and I will give you the tour.  I’ll tell you what, Old Town is one messed up berg. This place is the complete opposite of the rest of Stormwind.  So whether Old Town or the Rest of Stormwind is inverted and backwards in their thinking, I’ll leave that decision to you.

    Honestly, Honest Business is Honest

    This is my first hint that this entire district is part of some huge conspiracy.  I’m sure those who have read up on all my other tours will note that I talk a lot about the shops in each district. Weird shops, confusing shops, empty shops and flat out lying shops.  Well the shops in Old Town are the complete antithesis of all of those things.  Each shop is clearly labeled, and they sell exactly what is on the sign.  You walk into the shoe store? All you can buy there is shoes.  The shield store? Shields only.  I visited every single shop in this entire district trying to find a single out of place thing, some momentary glimpse of the insanity (or sanity) I had become used to while wandering about this town.  Not a thing.

    What could possess the people of Old Town to pull a complete 180 like this? Is this the work of some strange being from the depths of the Nether coming to drag Stormwind into the depths of madness by making this entire district actually make sense? It’s like a little miniature parallel dimension that is trapped in some kind of horrific more innocent time and it’s got me on edge.  I keep expecting some kind old lady to come out and offer me some cookies and a bottle of sody pop, or some brats running through the streets pushing a wheel with a stick like some demented ritual of evil to a bygone age of 5 copper funny books and walking up hill both ways in the snow!

    I’ll tell you this much, dear readers.  The first step towards complete chaos and destruction of everything we hold dear is showing good clean honesty like these shops.  Ever wonder why serial killers are always described as being good neighbors or such nice guys? Uh huh. You got it.  How about those horror stories that always start in sweet innocent peaceful small towns but then turn out to have a rotten core of a decidedly eldritch origin and nature.

    The Black Poison Heart of Old Town

    So um… this is awkward. Apparently Old Town does have a rotten core.  It’s not necessarily of eldritch origin or nature, but in the center of the entire district lies a black heart in the form of a small alleyway that leads to the very shifty territory.  Here there dwells the darkest and foulest that the streets of Stormwind can offer: rogue rogues, defias sympathizers, a shop that sells deadly poisons and Star Trek references. Okay, maybe the Star Trek references aren’t THAT dark, but have you ever smelled one of those conventions? You have got to at least give me foul on that one.

    The poison shop is a double dose of demented however.  Not only is this a shop that peddles wares that can easily kill you, including a tome written by the shop’s owner that teaches how to store toxic venom in your mouth and spit it at your opponents (Practical for those close quarters situations when battling for ones life in Warsong Gulch or possibly being interrogated by a foul baron.) This shop goes one step further into the depths of evil by also clearly and honestly proclaiming his shop to be a poison shop on a sign hanging above the door.  The one thing you probably don’t want to be advertising for is that your shop sells utensils for murder (as well as pest control and self defense, poison is not a uni-tasker) and these guys go ahead and do it in line with the backwards thinking indoctrination that has taken hold of this hamlet of Stormwind. There must be some evidence of where this seedy reversal of the status quo has originated from – Wait! There! Outside the alley!

    The Stone Chiseled Face of Darkness Marks the Way

    Yes, this massive statue in front of the Champions Hall.  I’ve seen this statue before. In front of the Stormwind Bank. This means something. This is important. Think about it.  If these statues didn’t have something to do with the madness that has engulfed Old Town down its gullet into an awaiting cesspool of blatant differential mindset than the rest of Stormwind, then why do they look like He-Man?  You can’t answer that, can you? No, of course not.  Truly this is a sign that we are on the right trail and before you even ask, the one at the Stormwind bank is obviously a decoy to make you think that the banks are behind it.  But do I look like some hair brained conspiracy theorist that thinks the people with the money are secretly behind everything? Heck no. I am a professional!

    Obviously the strange He-Man looking statue is a sign that the villainous force behind these strange occurrences has a fascination with super heroes.  Probably over idealized male ones.  Judging by the fact that there are two identical statues in different places in Stormwind, I’d say its probably capable of generating instantaneous matter in four dimensions, able to place them anywhere it wants and whenever it wants in history.  The question remains though as to why would the fiend hide here of all places?  After all there’s nothing in this neck of the woods except for the Champions Hall and the Command Center (Possibly where the Powered Rangers take up residence along with their robot, Alpha 1, and their leader Zordormu, a powerful bronze dragon that is trapped in a time tube.) But there is also SI:7 and everyone knows that the SI:7 are the Men in Black of the Alliance, riding around on black horses and making those of us who know too much disappear.

    Surely the best place for such a powerful and malevolent entity hellbent on destroying any sense of disorder that Stormwind has would be smart enough to hide in plain sight in the shadiest of shady government organizations in the city. Though how one is hiding in plain sight if they are also hiding in a shady place that does most of its dealings out of plain sight is beyond me.  Come my friends! We shall dispense of this monster and free Stormwind of making sense forever!

    The Face of Madness: Horror from the Fifth Dimension

    So here’s where it’s all coming from.  The backwards true-to-their-word shops, the small town Azeroth feel that hides the thrice damned soul of a killer, everything that the Old Town thinks it is comes from right here.  Deep in the basement of SI:7 is Doctor Mixilpixil, a poor pseudonym for Mr. Mxyzptlk, the insane conjurer of the 5th Dimension! At last we’ve come face to face and it all makes sense now.  He sows the seeds of strangeness and chaos in the world, but how does one create deviation in a town that sports an unorthodox number of herbalism shops or shops that lie in front of churches or this many pop culture references? You disrupt it by changing it to make SENSE.

    Yes, I know your tricks, Mxyzptlk. You are a crafty one.  But you couldn’t hide your obsession of Superman now could you?  It’s like some sort of ever present inferiority complex in super villains.  You even built a statue of a Superman knock off like He-Man right outside your own base of operations.  But now, Mixilpixil, you shall die! FREEEDDOOOO-  Hey wait a minute! Let go of me! I wanted to kill the alien from the fifth dimension! He’s curing you all of the weird! We must stop him! Azeroth needs the weird! I’ll get the Horde to help then! I’LL KILL YOU MIXIPIX–

    We are sorry about that. We had our suspicions that Mr. Susan Donem was up to no good, and luckily we caught him before he did something regrettable while we were still liable for his actions. We’ve resolved that by sealing him in a vault in our basement instead of just firing him. We’ve also now sacked our HR director for not noticing that a doctorate written in crayon isn’t authentic.  Well, that’s it for the Stormwind Tour. In case you’re wondering about the Stormwind Keep, we’re saving it.  Too many odd things in that place to broad stroke it like these.