A Post of Epic Distortions

A while ago…  a really, really long while ago…  like I don’t even recall how long ago it was – I went on this weird internet service called FormSpring to ask the world a simple question: “What do you consider more epic? Soloing/10 man/25 man?”  Of course, I was referring to World of Warcraft raid sizes. While there were plenty of people who argued that yes, 10 man raids could be epic, the overwhelming majority responded that only 25 to 40 man raids were considered epic.  This demonstrated the clear trend that more people = more epic.  This is emphasized by the fact that soloing anything is never considered epic.  Actually a few people said that exactly. NEVER. EPIC.

So, in the spirit of taking people’s honest answers and distorting them into something completely unintentional for the sake of humor (I learned it from you, Leno! I learned it from YOU! /sob), the Land of Odd is proud to present the grand chart of what is and what isn’t epic, following the established concept of More People = More Epic:

Chuck Norris vs. Power Rangers:  6-to-1? Get outta here.  Plus they got Zords. That’s like 12-to-1. Chuck is solo. Solo is never epic.

James Bond vs. G.I. Joe:  Sure, he’s got charisma. Know what Bond doesn’t have? Ninjas. G.I. Joe has ninjas.  And enough members to make sure you’ll never be able to own all the toys. How can one British Agent be more epic than an infinity of them created for a quick cash grab? Ha!

Dracula vs. Twilight: Seriously?  Only one vampire?  That’s not epic or scary.  You wanna know what’s epic?  A bunch of vampires going to war with a bunch of other vampires and maybe some werewolves too over some random girl at the local High School.  Don’t agree with me?  HA! Which one has more vampires? Well, there’s your answer.

The Legend of Zelda vs Super Smash Bros: Solo is never epic.  Doesn’t matter if you’re the Hero of Time or a lv 85 Death Knight. No one thinks Solo is ever epic.  Plus, look at tall those characters in Smash Bros.  That’s like ultra-mega-supreme epic.

Batman vs. Batman & Robin: Three times the heroes, three times the villains (more bosses is always good, right?).  Batman & Robin with George Clooney is clearly the most epic of any Batman film.

Original Trilogy vs Prequel Trilogy: Mo’ Jedi. Mo’ Epic. Prequel Trilogy clearly wins. Case closed, y’all.

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