Shut Yer Clam, It’s Harder Than It Looks

Image Courtesy of WoWwiki.
The spear is actually just his backscratcher. (image courtesy of WoWwiki, cause it was better than mine)

Location: Abandoned Reach, Borean Tundra

Faction: Neutral

There’s a lot I could say here about DEHTA.  And I probably will do a whole rant about them one of these days.  But they have some of the best opponents in all of Northrend.  In light of the scourge marching on the doorsteps of both the Alliance and the Horde, many of which consists of Nerubians (Insert appropriate “we don’t save the icky animals” joke here), DEHTA has chosen the true evil of Northrend.  The awkwardly named hunters!

Granted, if you were named Ned the Rhino Hunter, I probably wouldn’t give you any flack.  Yes, you have a funny name – But you hunt rhinos.  I don’t even want to think about what you could do to me.  The same could be said about hunting Mammoths, heck I’ll even give you taking down caribou is more bad ass than what I can usually muster.  But what can you say about a gnome whose specialty is hunting down…  Clams?  Yes folks, today we will be investigating the oddest of Harold Lane’s insidious crew of nasty animal killers: Clam Master K.

To be fair, when the nefarious Clam Master first made the scene, we are talking about patch 3.0.8.  Clams were a bit more bad ass back then.  They didn’t stack.  You couldn’t open them while mounted, and they were murder to the backpacks of those who farmed sea baring humanoids like Naga.  Truly back at the beginning of Wrath of the Lich King, you did not want to deal with clams.  So maybe there was something to be said for someone who actively went around looking for them.  I wonder if he ever ran into a situation that players could never possibly comprehend: “Whats this?  Another World Drop Epic? Bah! Delete that.  All I want is more clams!”

I mean granted, Siren’s Tears were worth quite a pretty penny back in the days of Naxxramas and Eye of Eternity.  But if he was actually looking for those, wouldn’t he be Pearl Hunter K?  No, this man hunts clams.  With all the tenacity as Elmer Fudd I imagine.  Wandering around the ocean in a diving helmet not attached to any air source, and seeking the elusive prey known as large immobile clams that don’t even have hit points.  I have to wonder if the other hunters take him that seriously.  Probably not.  But he’s still a grave threat in the eyes of DEHTA.  So much so that he is actually one of the mini-bosses of the entire chain leading up the Harold Lane.  Who else will speak out for the clams?

Mainly, I question the “Clam Masters” credentials as a hunter.  He’s off on the eastern edge of the Tundra.  A sea inhabited by hostile sharks, trapped penguins, and walrus people.  And strangely, not exactly filled with clams.  While on the opposite side of the zone, over by the Winterfin Murlocs,  there are dozens and dozens of clams!  Some bigger than Clam Master K himself! And plenty outside of the aggro range of any and all murlocs.  The only thing you have to be concerned about is the Orcas.  And they aren’t even hostile.  Why the heck is the Clam “master” in the wrong waters on the wrong side of the zone for clam hunting?  You don’t see Ned the King of Killing Rhinos wandering around knee-deep in the dead of Icecrown looking for Rhinos.  You don’t see Kaw the Rider and Smiter of Giant Fuzzy Mammoths prancing about the Ruby Sanctum seeking out his prey that might be hiding out with the red dragons. I’m starting to get the feeling that K – if that is his real initial – doesn’t know what he’s doing in Northrend.

If he really wants to hunt something, he should head across the Frozen Sea and start taking down Shoveltusk.  Those things are EVERYWHERE.  And no one is keeping their numbers in check.  Go Shoveltusk Master S! It’s coming right at you!

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