Anchors (and Logic) Away!

Goblin Art
This is what passes for 'Art' in Goblin Towns.

Location: Ratchet, The Barrens

Faction: Neutral

Now this isn’t the first time I’ve spoken about the wonderful Goblins.  I’ve spoken about their efficient use of amazing machines with the Venture Company in comparison to say Orcs.  But despite what the Goblins have in technical abilities, I often have to wonder about their choices in aesthetics.  Gnomish technology is functional, less likely to blow you up, and definately has a unique design aesthetic that when you look at a Gnome machine you KNOW it’s a gnome machine.  Other than the fact that they are usually cobbled togehter machines that seem to be rusty and a hazard to your health, I’ve never seen any intent on the Goblins part to make things look good.  They seem to pride themselves on getting the job done and under budget.  This probably explains why things like the Sludge Fen rig in the Northern Barrens looks like it’s about to collapse when you climb it.  So when I start to see things like the giant anchor in the middle of Ratchet, I have to wonder.

I don’t think it was placed there intentionally.  I couldn’t imagine a bunch of goblins taking the time to drag a huge anchor onto land and prop it up for no real reason.  It would be a waste of time, money and manpower for a simple visual piece in the center of town.  But then again in Booty Bay there is a huge statue of a goblin standing there in robes.  I’m extremely curious about these because Goblins don’t seem to take a break long enough to even build decent homes.  Most goblin towns are either domes or barely standing shacks.  So why would they go to such lengths to decorate?

The other question the massive anchor raises it where did it come from?  The anchor is far too big to be from one of the ships that travel the route between Ratchet and Booty Bay.  I can’t even think of that they would belong to one of the ships that travel to and from Northrend for the Alliance.  Part of me wants to think that the Goblins, being the entrepeneurs they are, started a cruise line, with a massive ship that came equipped with shuffleboard, multiple restaurants, and judging by the number of savage aquatic life in Azeroth, probably enough guns to sink any Alliance or Horde vessel. (Why would a cruise line need all that?  They’re Goblins.  It’s not fun unless something blows up.)  And this massive ship gives cruises around the South Seas for wealthy members of any race.  I mean, why else would they have such a huge anchor lying around?  It could be a sculpture like the statue, but that brings us back to the previous question.

If it is a sculpture like the Booty Bay goblin statue, who is the artist that made it?  I don’t mean to diss goblins here or anything but do any of them strike you as artists?  They don’t have the patience to make sure the roof over their heads is fully boarded up, but they will take the time to sculpt a massive anchor for no productive reason.  Sorry, don’t buy it.  A goblin artist would be set up off the side of the road in Stormwind or Ogrimmar sketching people’s caricatures for ridiculous prices.  You can picture that right?  It’s quick, it makes money, and it would probably sell.  Well, it’d sell better than Foror & Tigule’s Ice Cream which only seems to have sales at Children’s Week and that’s it.  So I would assume they’d have to hire some other race to do it.  But who?  It’s not pretty or gold enough for the Blood Elves, I can’t imagine the Night Elves carving a stone statue for the Goblins, and the Tauren and Orcs don’t exact have a knack for artistry either.  It could be the humans.  The statue in Booty Bay does seem to have a striking resemblence in material and quality to the Stormwind statues.  But the anchor doesn’t come close to that.

Maybe it was from the Defias Brotherhood.  Considering their employment of Goblins (Some call it enslavement, but that’s just splitting hairs in Warcraft.) They build some massive ships, and they plunder quite often.  Maybe it broke off one of their massive pillaging ships (like the one in the Deadmines).  The size would be to scale, and it’s not like the Defias don’t have shop set up with the Black Dragons just south of Ratchet.  The only question is how long ago did it get there?  I mean, there are full grown palm trees growing out of where this thing is sitting, and the Horde and the Alliance have only known about Kalimdor for maybe 7 years or so.  So if the Defias dropped this thing in Ratchet (or the Goblins put it there), then they must have had to get a Gardner to plant some trees around it to make it look nice, which again doesn’t seem like a Goblin thing to do.

While it might not seem it, this little oddity is way up there on my WoW WTF meter.  There is no part of this Anchor’s presence that even makes the slightest bit of sense.  It doesn’t fit with what we know about goblins, and unless it somehow predates Warcraft III somehow, I’m not sure how several massive palm trees would have grown up over and around it.  It’s covered in rust and disrepair, it isn’t in an attractive position, and it looks awkward all of which seem to indicate it would not be there intentionally, especially in comparison with the Goblin Statue in Booty Bay which looks magnificent.  The more I think about where and why this massive anchor is sitting on the coast of Kalimdor, the more confused I get.  Aargh!

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