There’s a bit of a running joke in our D&D group. See in 4th Edition, The Chained God Tharizdun, is kind of portrayed as the long lost evil deity whose name has been lost to the ages because he was imprisoned at the dawn of time. His true name is rarely if ever spoken, and most don’t even know he exists. However, he is described as having “a few scattered cults of demented followers”. Needless to say, while we were all shooting the breeze about stuff like the Dawn War, the difference between Devils and Demons, and various other lore related topics during a game a few weeks back, I couldn’t help but burst out laughing when the following image popped into my head. It was too perfect. Why didn’t see it before?
ULDUM, Kalimdor, July 2nd – People along the southern coast of Uldum were treated to a strange sight today. A possible case for extraterrestrial life visiting this small blue marble called Azeroth that may or may not take place in the same universe as Starcraft. After another routine visit from the Aspect of Death himself, witnesses spotted a strange occurrence of fire apparently levitating the air amongst the destruction. Is this proof that aliens that can actual fly their spacecraft correctly are visiting Azeroth? Or is this just Vrykerion’s extremely stretched attempt at making a bad pun about an old science fiction film while he stalls for a bigger post that he hopes to have up later this week? You decide!
Alright, confession time folks. I never finished Twilight Princess. *dodges thrown vegetables and a shoe* I know, I know. To be fair, it wasn’t because it was a bad game or anything. In fact, I rather enjoyed it gameplay wise. The story wasn’t bad either. I really liked Midna. Still, there was something. Something that drove me nuts every time I played that game. For the longest time I couldn’t put my finger on it, but then one day it came to me. I hate Link.
Oh yes, Link. The legendary fantasy hero of the Nintendo that has defended the land of Hyrule for like 20 years now. Why do I hate him? Does it have anything to do with my burning hate of generic faceless and voiceless protagonists like Gordon Freeman (who only taunts you with it by somehow managing to get every female he comes in contact with to develop amorous feelings toward him without saying a single bloody word! Despite the fact that he is obviously out of shape. Go ahead. Look down in Half Life. Fat old Freeman can’t even see his toes.) No, it wasn’t that. Because this problem is centralized only on Twilight Princess. So what is it that this mute fairy boy have in that game that he doesn’t in any other Zelda game?
Well how about a complete lack of any and all emotion?! Annoying little brat doesn’t show the slightest bit of empathy for the majority of the game. In fact he has three emotions: Default Link (Grimace), Happy Link (slightly upturned scowl), and Surprised Link (Open mouth gaping grimace). That’s the entire emotional range of this kid. Heck, he shows more emotion in his wolf form than his human form. This is what I couldn’t stand in Twilight Princess more than anything! Even in the worse of circumstances, our “Hero” comes off as a unemotional sadist like so:
It’s that stupid face that drove me from this game! That moronic vacant stare that is present in almost every cut scene in the game, regardless of the context in which that scene takes place. I know that they never want to give Link a voice because that would clash with everyone’s perception of how Link thinks and speaks (Which is NOT a bad idea, considering the utterly painful experience that was Metroid: Other M) but would it kill you to give the kid some personality? Hannibal Lecter showed more empathy for people than this twerp.
I suppose it could be worse though. This is a basic summary of Link’s epic journey on my sister’s play-through of the game:
While questing in the Blasted Lands the other day, I happened upon a quest where you have to sneak past the Alliance in a wooden box. And by sneak, I mean just walk past while they gawk at you. They didn’t seem to have the slightest inclination to believe a box moving on its own was anything to be suspicious or worried about. I though that was weird. I thought it was REALLY weird when they didn’t even notice the fact that A SINGING DANCING FLOWER WAS FOLLOWING THE BOX AROUND. /headdesk
Runner up quote was: “It was my destiny to be here – in the box – and then when I put it on, I suddenly got this feeling of inner peace. I can’t put it into words. I feel… safe. Like this is where I was meant to be. Like I’d found the key to true happiness.”
Just in time for Noblegarden, I present you with DEHTA’s newest ad campaign:
You would think it’d be enough for me to mock DEHTA about their shortcomings with Noblegarden last year, but I’ve had them slated for a good mocking for this item in particular for some time. I used to actually wear them around so I could claim that anything I did was ethical – including slaughtering herds of wandering rhinos for their deliciously juicy meats.
Have a Happy Noblegarden everyone!
Well with 4.0.1 now live and all the craziness bouncing about with all the new options, glyphs going for 200g a pop, and target dummies crowded to the point where you feel like testing is more like a test of patience trying to target the dumb thing instead of seeing what your DPS is. I decided that how best to address the new patch was to make an image illustrating how the new Reforging system works:
See, it’s surprisingly simple.
Due to a software problem (Firefox crashing), the 2000 word post of the Warchief Debate between Basic Campfire and Garrosh Hellscream was reverted to a meager 78 words long. A solution has been reached (I’m going back to using Safari) and the post should be up later this weekend, however where does that leave us? Well, I feel the great need to appease my always amazing audience when awkward announcements arise, so enjoy this photo.
Not even sure I can come up with an adequate way to describe that picture. It was one of the weirdest moments in the game that wasn’t the result of my twisted imagination. I was just sticking some herbs in the bank to free up my bags and then this boomkin shows up in the window and starts saying that – over and over and over. I laughed of course, it was hilarious! Made me wonder why people even bother with stupid cheap laughs like sparking order of operations debates or saying “anal [whatever]” in trade chat when they could do stuff like this. Well, I suppose no one gets angry about it, so it’s probably a moot point in Trade Chat, but yea.
But that’s not the only weird screenshot I’ve dug up from the bowels of my hard drive. There’s this one that I’ve whipped out especially for the poor misguided souls at Mana Obscura, I Sheep Things and Gnomeaggedon:
This is what happens when my guild asks me to boost moral while defending Halaa. They know me, they shouldn’t have been surprised when I bust out in a demon worshipping sermon – especially when there’s a podium right there! (Why is there a podium in Halaa? I always thought it was like the government radio bunker that you need to take over to control the media in the country while staging a coup. But it’s a very short range radio. ‘Cause it’s just a podium.) So my magey friends, is this enough to make you see the dark? JOOOOIIIIN UUUUUSSSS…
Anyway, that’s all. Just some fun pics from my screenshot collection to tide everyone over until the Debate post is completely re-written because of fire-$#%&-fox. And again, my apologies!
But With like 2 X’s. Which makes it like Xtra Xtreme. That way the kids will think we’re hip. yo. Totally like the wiggy jiggy. Or something. You know, screw this marketing $#%&, just make it as addictive as all hell. What do we have to lose? We’re the #$%&ing Burning Legion!
After Monday’s post, I just had to do this.
So Anea (of Oh Look, An Alt!) came up with this delightful idea of putting screenshots and music lyrics together for various effects. Soon as I saw it, I knew the shot to whip out of my dusty and never ending pile of screenshots:
It’s a nerf two patches too late. It’s ten thousand hunters when all you need is a shaman. It’s meeting the tank of your dreams in a random and then meeting his magnificent guild… on another server.
Stormwind Tour begins tomorrow! See you then! 😀