Hail to the Warchief

Well, it was an interesting election, I’ll say that much.  We had almost 100 votes at the end of the night, and what a night of surprises and twists it was!  Not really.  Despite the outspoken support for Thrall over Garrosh amongst the fans or the lavish love of fans for the bodacious banshee, Sylvanas Windrunner, every single time one candidate pushed ahead, every other candidate scaled  with them.  After a month of the polls being open, the standings were surprisingly roughly the same as when they where at the end of day one.  I don’t think the percentages ultimately changed that much, if at all. Though I was shocked, down right amazed, that Garrosh did manage to squeeze out a whole 8 votes. I was expecting Knaak to even beat him out.  Who knew?

So who came out on top?  Is it really that hard to guess?  Well, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce your new warchief:

<Thank you!  Thank you all.  I am proud and honored to be called upon by the people to accept such a task.  What stands in front of us is a momentous challenge and it will not be easy.  The elemental invasion has left us trembling where we once stood our strongest: at home.  Deathwing has turned this home sweet home into a desperate brew of sour, and when it comes to living out our lives in this new shattered world, no blend of sweet and sour shall satiate our palettes!  Sadly, our children, mere nuggets of future potential,may have to go without the luxury of sauce for the moment.>

<However, through these trials and tribulations: we shall not boil over, we shall not dry out and wither, and despite what the Aspect of Death may wish to see – We shall not burn! Our crust may crack, but we have the strength to mend it.  The fruits of our past labors may have been spoiled, but we have the discipline to grow more.  We are the Horde, ladies and gentlemen.  We do not cry in our milk, we do not fall like a bad souffle, we have the guts to take this humble pie and turn it into a cake worthy of a king!

<Speaking of kings, you should know that I have already begun works to assemble a cabinet to work with King Wrynn and the members of the Alliance to mix together the beginnings of a stew of peace.  But whatever the fate of that stew, whether it becomes strong and flavorful or left alone to sour in our ice boxes – we shall make the effort again and again.  Politics, like cooking, requires time and the patience to try over and over until you obtain success.  Now I ask you, citizens of the Horde, CAN WE COOK IT?>

Well, thank you Warchief Campfire.  That was a very motivational speech.  We look forward to seeing what you do with all your endeavors!  And there you have it, readers at home.  The new warchief – Basic Campfire – as voted by you.  Will he succeed?  Will he fail?  Will Garrosh just push him off the throne and take it himself because hey, it’s not like basic campfire has any means to fight back other burning him if touched.  But honestly, how likely is that last one to happen?  Ha ha ha…

EDITORS NOTE: Following the writing of this report after last night’s inauguration speech, Garrosh Hellscream stormed into the throne, threw Basic Campfire off the throne, murmured something about ‘Over his dead body’ and then something about Grom Hellscream, and then proceeded to sit on the throne himself.  While technically it should be noted that there was a heavy scent of various liquors on Garrosh’s breath, he did successfully defeat the Warchief in combat, thus making him the new Warchief via a small loophole in the Horde’s charter called ‘The Metzen Clause’ which states that Horde politics are “subject to change on the spot regardless of how some idiot with a blog says they should work.”

When questioned about Garrosh’s drinking habits at the Orgrimmar Bar, local Gamon stated: “Dudes, it totally was NOT my idea.  I would never suggest assassinating the warchief and taking the throne for yourself. I would never tell Garrosh about the Metzen Clause because of resentment over players who sit around killing me all day and night choosing the elect a bunch of logs as warchief. And I had no clue he was going to take me seriously about it.”

Well, I guess this mystery won’t be solved any time soon.

Warchief Election: Sticks and Bones

Welcome one and all to our penultimate debate for the season!  That’s right folks, we have two showdowns of verbal mastery left and then it’s time to cast those votes and we’ll see who will be the new warchief!  Tonight we have two of our front runners, the Dark Lady Sylvanas Windrunner and the cooking sensation Basic Campfire!  These two were fiercely battling in the polls, and we’ve all been looking forward to this debate.

However, since we fired Executus last time, we needed a new translator for Firespeak, so we decided to preform a horrific ritual and resurrected Hydross the Unstable…  what? He’s bilingual. Anyway, this debate is sponsored by…  /sigh…   The Nefarian Academy of Draconic Genetic Engineering And Evil Liberal Arts.  This is starting to get ridiculous.  Let’s get on with it this, so I can get paid and then use said currency to get completely drunk so I can forget this all…

QUESTION: You are both ‘outsiders’ in your own right to the Horde, what do you think your unique view can bring to the position of Warchief?

BASIC CAMPFIRE <Translated from FireSpeak>: <An outsider as in the context that we are not orcs?>


BASIC CAMPFIRE: <What about Richard Knaak?>

I don’t think any cares if Richard is an outsider or not.


SYLVANAS: No. One. Cares.  Answer the question, Sticks.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Very well. I would say that my ‘position’ has allowed me to brew a perspective of sympathy for the common man.  I think that being able to relate to the downtrodden and hungry common folk.  After all, it is the warchief that cooks for them, not the other way around. It’s taught me to boil compassion and – >

SYLVANAS: Are you really going to keep this pun charade going? It’s not even amusing any more.  More pitiful really.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Look, I’m a talking pile of burning logs that has nothing going for it except for a moderate pacifist political philosophy, a bunch of cheap cooking puns and the fact that I’m not Garrosh.  Give me a break.  What I know is that being a pile of flaming sticks and doing nothing will probably be less destructive to the Horde than whatever you or Hellscream will come up with.  I’m not up at the podium openly expressing my desire for bloodshed.  How is that for an outsider perspective?  And what do you have that makes you so special as an outsider anyway, Ms. Windrunner?>

SYLVANAS: Hate and fear.  Both are important to understand vividly if one is to control a group the size of the Horde over three continents.  Fear keeps our enemies off our lands.  Fear keeps prisoners from rising up and killing the guards.  Fear prevents betrayal.  Varimathras did not fear me, that should have been a warning.  I’ve learned the value of fear now. We must also know hate in order to ensure that we are hating our enemies and not each other.  Take a look at the situation between the Tauren and the Forsaken.  They hate us.  I know it. My people know it.  But we don’t return it.  We understand that our hatred is best served in other ways, namely our ongoing feud with those Scarlet morons.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I’m sure the Windsong family would find your sentiment quite hollow. Or do you routinely poison people you don’t hate?>

SYLVANAS: Thersa Windsong was dying when she came to the Undercity, nothing she had found could cure her. We tried. We failed.  I suppose you’d see many a surgeon hanged with that sense of morality, Campfire.

QUESTION: The Warchief is required to some times make unpopular decisions, what can you say that shows the voters you can be willing to make those decisions and deal with the consequences?

SYLVANAS: While it seems almost every decision I’ve made could be viewed as an unpopular one in some member of the Horde’s eyes, I would say one that epitomized my career – and that turned out well, I suppose – would be supporting the Sin’dorei’s admittance into the Horde.  A controversial decision, what with their reliance on fel magic for sustenance at the time.  However, the Forsaken stood by the Blood Elves and for it we have a strong ally that has proven on more than one occassion that they are an asset to the Horde.  Despite doubting glances from both orcs and tauren, I reinforced the Sin’dorei’s forces in the ghostlands with my own soldiers.  Aiding them in reclaiming the lost regions of Quel’Thalas from the Scourge and dealing a blow against the Lich King’s hold in the Dead Scar.  Top that, logs.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Is it that hard for you to simply acknowledge me with the minimal amount of respect?  To use my name instead of calling me sticks or logs?  I am another candidate in this running, you know.>

SYLVANAS: Considering that some of the other candidates are the man-child Garrosh and a man who writes fantasy fiction, it’s not exactly something that’s going to garner any respect from me.  Or is being a candidate your ‘unpopular decision’?

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Very well, but I refuse to sink to your level, Windrunner.  As a campfire, I often make decisions that are unpopular: I wane, I lose heat, I go out in the middle of the night leaving you without warmth.  These actions have taught me how frail people can be.  They have shown me that even the smallest choice – to rest, to push myself too hard and fall behind, to lose sight of the goal – can have devastating consequences.  We must always think before we act.>

SYLVANAS: So those were choices?  You actively chose to do those things?

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Well… sort of… yes…  or when the wind was too harsh or it got wet…  or…  regardless, it has been very insightful to how one SHOULD be making decisions.  After all, the Sin’dorei with or without your support still fell to Kael’thas’ deception did they not?  Where was your unpopular decision to aid the elves now that many had succumbed to the demonic energy the other members of the Horde were worried about?>

SYLVANAS: The Forsaken were fully devoted to the offensive at the Sunwell.  Many of our greatest champions went and pledged themselves to the cause.  I do not recall many burning twigs assaulting the enemy forces there however.  Or was allowing the Burning Legion to seize the Sunwell part of your brilliant outsider knowledge?

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <You are testing my patient, Windrunner.>

SYLVANAS: You’ve already lost mine.

Umm…  Okay, getting a bit tense in here. QUESTION: There is an old saying that states “Nothing ventured, Nothing gained” what are you willing to risk for the Horde and how much would you need to gain in order to be willing to push that limit?

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <The only sensible answer to the question would be ‘Only what must be risked’ and ‘Only when necessary’ but I suppose you want something more specific to titilate your readers into controversial and angry discussions?>

Well, that would be NICE. We haven’t had a good flame war in the comment section since…   Okay, we’ve never had a flame war in the comment section.  But I would still love to see it.  I got a bag of now extremely stale popcorn set aside for the moment.  Please continue.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I would never risk the safety of the women and children of the Horde.  I would go as far to say that only those who have chosen to fight will be risked, because they have actively consented to be risked.  The only time I would ever break this vow is in the face of complete possible annihilation.  But no battle, no war, not even invasion would cause me to risk those who have not actively chosen to be put in harms way.>

SYLVANAS: You may find annihilation to be sooner than later if Wrynn has his way.  That man sees every horde an abomination, and wants them six feet under in the quickest possible way.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Why am I not surprised that you take issue with Wrynn?  Still a bit sore after he vowed to reclaim the human territory you seized from them? Negotiation is the key to victory for all of Azeroth, and assumptions are the enemy of negotiation.  It’s like putting chicken gravy on a salad, you just don’t do it.>

SYLVANAS: That’s possibly the dumbest thing I’ve heard you say yet, Twigs.  And I’m not referring to putting gravy on the salad.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <What would you risk, Windrunner?  Everything?  Down to the last crying baby?>



SYLVANAS: Not without reason, you short sighted lump of fuel.  Such sacrifices would not be meaningless and I am nothing if not someone who plans ahead.  If everything I have been working on comes to fruition, the Horde will no longer have a need to fear death.  Who wouldn’t elect me warchief knowing that there may be immortality to be gained?

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I don’t know.  How about anyone who has heard such empty promises from demons, old gods, or the cult of the damned?  You’ve gone mad, Sylvanas.  I can see why the good people of the Horde would be willing to elect a humble and honored campfire to the position over people like you.>

SYLVANAS: Then it will be their loss for it, Campfire.  When you crackle and burn as the Alliance razes our cities the ground, we will see where the Horde’s true feelings lie.

Umm…  wow.   There you have it folks.  I was kinda hoping for a few more Ha Ha’s there at the end, but damn.  I guess there’s a sense of finality in the air as we come to the end of the debate season.  I’m already nervous for next time when we see Garrosh Hellscream and Thrall take to the podiums.

Of course I’d like to thank Hydross the Unstable and Bilingual for providing tonights translation and not screwing it up.  And of course, tonight’s debate was brought to by the Nefarian something or other blah blah.  Why do the bad guys keep sponsoring the debates?  Would it kill us to get a good guy sponsor?  Anyway, see you next time folks!

Warchief Election: Sticks and Orcs (and Mary Sues)

Welcome one and all, back to the Warchief Election Debates! This week we settle the war of the pacifists. Two great advocates for diplomacy, understanding, and utter optimists when it comes to people of all races and origins… oh and Richard Knaak is here too. I’m sure he’ll have something to say about something. Anyway, besides Richard, we have our two leaders in the current polls: Thrall, the current warchief, and Basic Campfire, the people’s favorite, have come down here tonight to participate in this most epic debate.

As with last time we had Basic Campfire here, we’ve brought in former majordomo Executus to translate from firespeak. Welcome back to the blog, Executus. Also tonight’s sponsor for the debate is the Consortium, offering you quality everything at a what recent polls have stated is a decent price. Seriously? We’re getting sponsored by the Consortium? What’s next the Venture Company? By the titans, what happened to standards… What? We’re still on? Oh Fuuuueeellow members of the Horde, let’s start, shall we?

Question 1: Both of tonight’s candidates-

Richard Knaak: Excuse me! Um… Yes, There are three of us up here.

Sorry. The majority of tonight’s candidates are strong advocates for both diplomacy and peace in Azeroth. What can you say that would convince voters to choose you over your opponent… or Richard.

Basic Campfire (Translated from Firespeak): <The key to great diplomacy is having all the correct ingredients.  You need fresh ideas, a crisp and clean perspective, and a rich flavorful background of experiences.  I have spent time with any citizen of every faction who decided to take a single cooking lesson.  I have steamed fish with the Tuskarr, I have baked pie with the Alliance, and I have simmered sausage with the Goblins.  After all, all living things have the need to eat, and I have been there to provide them with that.  I doubt any of my competitors could make such a claim.>

Richard Knaak: Well in my experience-

Thrall: No offense, Campfire, but by those rigid standards, a fork is just as qualified to participate in peace talks.  What is needed is compassion.  I must call you on this Campfire and I apologize for it.  You help to feed all these people, because they call upon you to do it.  You are at their beck and call and while you may enjoy it, you are not actively choosing to do it.  This is not volunteering, this is pleasurable servitude, and it is certainly not compassion.  What is compassion?  Seeking peace and understanding between the factions, to and beyond the point that your own people are calling your actions near treasonous.  Where the tabloids assume you must be having some illicit affair because you engage in talks with the “enemy” that concern the fate of every living thing on the planet.  That is what I have done.  I have risked every morsel of my reputation and dignity on peace and not questioned it once.

Richard Knaak: Well that’s interesting because when I created-

Basic Campfire: <Thrall, allow me to disagree with your blatant attempts to cast yourself as some kind of messianic figure. Saying that the intent and risk is the important point in creating peace and dipolmacy, and I’m saying that’s just a bunch of steam.  You can garnish the topic with all the trimmings you want, but it comes down to the meat and potatoes: Is it helping?  If nothing else I can say that I’ve fed millions.  What can you say about your “compassion” and “sacrifices”?  That’s like saying all you need to boil water is water and wanting it to be hot! So you define compassion as having personal risk in the pursuit of helping others?  Well, let’s cut to the cheese here, I am a campfire.  When I cook for these people, I am set ablaze and burn for their food.>

Richard Knaak: Wait…  you aren’t always a campfire?  What stage in your life are you just logs?  Is that like limbo, or like an infant or something?

Basic Campfire: <I find that comment racist, sir.>

Thrall: No, the human has a point. I’m curious about this too.  Are you a campfire or are you logs that are being set on fire?

Basic Campfire: Crackle crackle pop crackle roar crackle pop!

Ahem, sorry about that folks, Executus has informed me that we may be facing fines if he translated what Basic Campfire just said.  Wait.  What fines? This is the internet!  Translate that!

Basic Campfire: <Why don’t you just put yourselves out!>

Executus…  What exactly was offensive about that? You seriously suck at this job.  Anyway, while hoping to maintain a civil tone here, let’s move on to question 2.

Question 2: times are getting tough, with big goblin cartels taking business from small horde companies and the war in Northrend consuming way more of the Horde’s resources than planned, what would you do to secure the jobs and financial stability of the Horde?

Thrall: As warchief, I have set forth a number of initiatives that will be available soon to create new jobs for the Horde.  Including allocating a fund to help start a small archeology school in Orgrimmar, and investing in a new technology that will allow the brave heroes of the Horde to “reforge” their equipment.  Both of those should provide an ample amount of new jobs for the Horde.  We’ve also been in talks with some members of the Bilgewater Cartel, in hopes that it will provide us an “in” to discussing ways to protect both Horde and goblin interests with all of the cartels.

Basic Campfire: <So your method of sizzling the economy is the burn the tax payer’s money?  The ideal method of solving this issue to bring the broth of personal responsibility to a boil and slowly mix in opportunity.  Once the good people of the Horde acknowledge that is just as much their own duty to worry about the economy as it is the warchief’s, we can began to reward individuals who are willing to do their part with tax breaks.  Not to increase taxes across the board in order to fund some undercooked “reforge” idea.>

Thrall: So your suggestion is that people just toughen up when it comes to the goblin cartels running them out of business?  Individual responsibility should be rewarded, but individual responsibility is not strong enough to battle a strong business presence like the goblin cartels.  The warchief has a duty to all, even in financial matters.

Basic Campfire: <I never suggested that people should simply toughen up against the cartels, because in my opinion the cartels have no business interfering with Horde businesses.  I would rather see the warchief spend their time working to strictly limit or completely cut off the goblin cartels from the Horde.  The Trade Princes have shown time and time again that they have no regard for the rights or concerns of other businesses, or even their customers.  That kind of overbearing and ruthless business presence is better cut off and put in with the scraps.>

Richard Knaak: Well, what I would do is send a charismatic and slightly misunderstood orc with a destiny even he doesn’t fully understand to go to Kezan and negotiate with the goblins to get them to ease off on hostile trade relations with the Horde.

Basic Campfire: <What happens if your plan doesn’t work?>

Richard Knaak: What do you mean?  I don’t understand the question.

Thrall: And what happens if this representative  of yours is fails to convince the goblins to do that?

Richard Knaak: I’m not sure I follow, what do you mean if my representative fails?  My people NEVER fail.  They are fail proof.


Basic Campfire: <…>

And on that awkward silence, I’d like to end tonight’s debates.  Thank you gentlemen… and Richard – for an exciting and informatitive evening.  I’m sure everyone at home is buzzing with discussions between themselves over who they should cast their vote for now.  Once again, this debate was sponsered by the Consortium, your source for everything that you can buy and some things you can’t. I would like to thank our translator former Majordomo Executus and be sure to tune into the next Warchief debate where Garrosh and Sylvanas face off in a battle of hopefully just words, and hey maybe Richard will be there too.  Richard, wanna come to another debate?

Richard Knaak: I don’t deserve this mockery.

That’s a yes.  See you next time folks!

Warchief Election: Debate Night Smackdown

Welcome one and all to the Warchief election debates.  Tonight will be watching the debate between two of the heavyweights of the debate square off in a verbal arena of mayhem that was only thought possible with the advent of cutting edge 3D imaging technology now brought to you not only in 2D but also in text form. Yes, we at OddCraft are just that good.  Now allow me to introduce the distinguished candidates that will be participating in tonight’s debate.  Weighing in at 375 pounds, the Nightmare from Nagrand, the Beast of Borean, GARROSH HELLSCREAM!

At the opposite podium, at 13 lbs, 16 if you include the ashes, the Titan of Temperature and current front-runner in the polls, please welcome: BASIC CAMPFIRE!  Because Basic Campfire is a fire and not an actual living breathing person, we have invited the former majordomo of Ragnaros, Executus, to be our translator from firespeak to Orcish.

QUESTION: There has been a lot of conflict with the Alliance over the years, from Warsong Gulch to the Eye of the Storm.  But the Northrend Campaign seems to have increased that conflict quite a bit with the Isle of Conquest, Strand of the Ancients, Wintergrasp Forest, Grizzly Hills and the incidents across Icecrown, what are your plans for decreasing the loss of Horde lives in these conflicts?

BASIC CAMPFIRE (Translated from Firespeak): <It is true that there has been a rising trend in conflict with the Alliance.  And while some have contributed more to that trend than others, I would like to think that as a faction we are ready to move past these rotten ways and on to the fresh fruit of peace.  After all, there is nothing that says the Alliance peanut butter and the Horde chocolate wouldn’t go together to make something great. Why, just take a look at the efforts in Outland!>

GARROSH HELLSCREAM: Is everything just food to you?

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Unlike some of us, Hellscream, I am not willing to wait and make jokes as this situation moves from a simmer of hostility to a boil of war without taking some action to reduce the heat.>

GARROSH HELLSCREAM: You would rather have us sacrifice our pride and honor to play nice with the Alliance.  To what end?  What reason have the Alliance ever given us to think that if we were to lay down arms that they would happily coexist with us.  It would be back to the camps, back to slavery, and back to a life of nomadic wandering or mercenary work for many.  I would rather die than see that sad fate fall upon this Horde.  Wrynn has made it clear that there is no tolerance for the Horde coming from the Alliance, so the only sensible thing to do is to strike at them before they attack us.  As warchief I would choose to expand our conflicts with the Alliance in order to protect more of the Horde’s territories and interests, especially in the Eastern Kingdom.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Fear mongering on the what ifs will not help anyone, Horde or Alliance, in the long run.  In order to achieve peace, we must cover the cracked and hard crust of war with the sauce of honesty and the toppings of cooperation.>

GARROSH HELLSCREAM: Did you just compare war to a pizza?

QUESTION: The Horde has always seemed like an Orc-centric race, with the Blood Elves still entertaining ambassadors, the Forsaken now under watch of the Kor’kron guard, the Darkspear camping out inside of Orgrimmar and the Tauren being forced to accept goblin run zeppelins parking in Thunderbluff.  What would you do to unify the Horde as a single force.

GARROSH HELLSCREAM: I find it insulting that you would interpret the actions of the orcs in such a way.  While yes, it is a fact that the Horde was founded on orc principles and interests, we believe that our forces are only as strong as the weakest arm that wields a weapon.  So we have sought to fortify the Horde’s position by ensuring that all of the Horde is connected in some fashion. Be it with ambassadors keeping an eye on Quel’thalas, the Kor’kron defending our closest capital to Alliance territory, or ensuring that the forces of Orgrimmar can come to the tauren’s assistance in a moments notice.  The Horde is a single force, and we are stronger because of it, and it just happens that the orcs are the sword and shield of that single force, and we are stronger because of that as well.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <You would assume that might makes right in this situation, Garrosh.  You lack an outside perspective of what those actions are doing to the other races of the Horde.  In order to unite the Horde, we must coat our interactions with a thick layer of trust before we can even hope to build that strength.  Because if we don’t all that strength will simply get us stuck and I assure, Garrosh, we will break apart if we try to force it.  Strength alone cannot justify anything.  Even your father knew that.>


We would like to remind the candidates that this is a written transcript of the debate and not actual footage, so while I normally would be all for the types of ratings that throwing podiums would pull in, it doesn’t do us jack squat in text.  So please, Mr. Hellscream, put down the podium.

QUESTION:  There has been some concern for the Horde forces stationed in Outland, and now in Northrend with the conflict with the scourge coming to a close, what are your plans for bringing those brave soldiers of the Horde home?

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <There is no plan.  One should not need a ‘plan’ or a ‘schedule’ to honor our brave soldiers and bring them back home to their families.  You just do it.  Those courageous souls have earned. After all, with Illidan’s forces wiped out, Kael’thas usurped and brought to justice and the naga’s plans halted, what else is there for the Horde to do in Outland?  The same logic applies in Northrend.  We accomplished what was needed and now it is time to let those weary souls rest with their loved ones back home.  If there are any further conflicts, allow the local forces of the Shattered Sun address it.  They are Outland’s own army now.>

GARROSH HELLSCREAM: By the spirits, you answered the whole thing without making a reference to food in any way.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I am capable of a great many things, thank you.  After all, variety is the spice of life.>

GARROSH HELLSCREAM: There it is.  As for the question, I find it appalling that my opponent is so quick to demand that the orcs abandoned their homeland.  We were born in Outland, we were raised in Outland, and I’ll be damned if I let her fall into the hands of whomever comes along next simply because the demons are gone and we want our warm fuzzy beds.  I don’t know how my opponent sleeps, but there is nothing fuzzy about an orc bed, and there is no warmth in knowing that we abandoned our ancestry simply to pander for a few votes.  The forces in Outland don’t need to come home, because they ARE home.  As for Northrend, despite that pompous paladin’s assurance that the Lich King is dead, there has been no decrease in the number of scourge littering Icecrown, and you never take your eyes off an enemy just because you THINK you’ve bested them.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Do you always solve everything at a sword’s edge?>

GARROSH HELLSCREAM: I’d rather have a sword at my side than a ladle, Kindling.

BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I’d expect nothing less from the son of a man who…>


Ah! Gentlemen! Please! Stop! No! Not that! That’s expensive!  Ooo…  Well, I suppose that’s it for this debate.  OW! Stop throwing things!  …I’d like to thank Executus for translating tonight, and our sponsors at Demon Dew, Unleash the Demon in You.  Tune in next week for a debate between Thrall and Lady Sylvanus Windrunner.  DANGIT! THAT HURT!  Okay, who threw that one?  Basic Campfire?  YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE ARMS!

Basic Campfire Makes A Simple Statement

While Garrosh Hellscream has been promoting his platform of the Horde dominance across all of Azeroth, the other camps have been scrambling to get their own campaign advertisements out in order to match him.  Word has it that it Thrall has been focus testing a number of slogans that would match Garrosh’s appeal to the Horde’s sense of honor but also invoke the message of peace.

On the other hand, Deathwing – I mean Davan Prestor – has declared that puny ads mean nothing when raw power is on his side and Richard Knaak has stated in interviews that if he loses the election, he’ll just retcon it in his next book.  However, we did see the appearance of Basic Campfire’s new campaign ad this week.  It poses a powerful philosophical statement about the Campfire’s view about the direction that the Horde should take:

This profound message invokes a number of images.  Yes, we must cook our food in order to survive.  Yes, even the simple cooks deserve a place in this newest Horde. Yes! We must show Care Over Other Koncerns! Well, I may be stretching that last one a bit.  But it is a powerful verb to represent what I’m sure is a very powerful campaign.  However, when I took the time to show the new ad around the Undercity to ask about what the Forsaken thought of Basic Campfire’s new message, I found a very different tune that what I had been hearing in Kalimdior.

For the most part the Forsaken found the ad absolutely offensive.  Saying that cooking denoted eating, and that since the Forsaken aren’t alive – Well they don’t really have to eat.  They do eat, but they don’t have to. Except for the ones without lower jaws.  They’re upset because they can’t even eat if they wanted to. But it seems it’s not in the interest of Basic Campfire’s political career to remind the undead of these things.

In order to see if there were some kind of consensus about this from the formerly-living, I decided to ask the Knights of the Ebon Blade what they thought of the campaign.  They were not offended.  They simply laughed at me and asked if we were really considering electing a couple of logs that have been set on fire as a warchief.  After explaining the other candidates to them, Highlord Darion Mograine himself pledged his support for Basic Campfire.  So I guess not all undead are resurrected equal.

That’s all from the Warchief Election News Headquarters here at Oddcraft.  Your regularly scheduled Stormwind Tour should be up soon.  Lok’tar Ogar and have a nice day.

Get Your Warchief Election 2010 Buttons!

Earlier today I decided to blow off some steam at work by coming up with a series of campaign ads for different candidates for Warchief.  They turned out to be quite popular around the Twitter-sphere, so I thought I’d make up some campaign buttons for those who wanted to show their support!  Each one features one of the candidates: Thrall, Garrosh, Basic Campfire, Deathwing, or Richard Knaak, as well as a small slogan for their campaign.  Grab the one you want or a ZIP file of all 5 at the bottom and show support for your candidate of choice!  Also, if you use one on your blog, profile or websites, if you could point others to where to find their own it would be most appreciated. 😀

The “Glory” of the Horde

Warning: Parts of this posts include potential spoilers to Cataclysm and the WoW Comics. You have been warned.

Shortly after I finished my post about why the Alliance should have pride in being part of the Alliance, I received this in my inbox:

Dear Pathetic Alliance Lover,

I’ll give you some credit. You got a lot of guts to write that.  Defending a bunch of smelly dwarves, ankle biting gnomes, space goats and spineless humans.  But the reason your failure of an Alliance lacks the pride is that they have been utterly decimated by the power that is the Horde! But the worst part is that you defended that loud mouth moron of a king.  I doubt you would even extend that kind of courtesy to the Horde.  Say, defending the son of the greatest warrior the Horde has ever known?  Could you do that?  Could you prove to the Horde that I…  I mean, that Garrosh is just as fit to be warchief as that human lover Thrall?

Signed, Totally Not Garrosh.

P.S. Basic Campfire sux.

Needless to say I was a bit surprised, this mysterious stranger is asking me to make a case that Garrosh would make a good warchief?  Well, I enjoy a challenge – and while I know a lot of people don’t share my opinion of Varian, I know for a fact that no one agrees with me when I say: I would support Garrosh as the war chief of the Horde.

I know how that sounds, but believe when I say it boils down to a matter of perspective.  I can’t think about this from the same point of view as having pride in the Alliance or saying that I understand where Wrynn is coming from on these issues.  I am looking at this matter strictly as a member of the Horde.  I’ve played lots of hordies over the years, heck my first loremaster was a blood elf warlock.  So what I’m about to say, understand I am saying this as someone who is vastly aware of the issues the Horde is facing.

A lot of people have likened Garrosh’s thinking to that of the Old Horde.  By that I mean the days back before Orgrim Doomhammer took up the mantle of Warchief.  When the Shadow Council was secretly running everything and the Horde fought amongst each other as much as they did the Alliance.  I feel this is a misunderstanding of Garrosh’s political views.  Garrosh is someone who believes foremost in seeing the Horde become the dominant force in the world. Many players would take issue with this at first glance, but I question their outburst at Garrosh’s views.  After all, isn’t that what the Horde was doing far before Garrosh entered the scene?  They attempted to seize control over Ashenvale from the Night Elves, they attempted to drive the dwarves from the mountains of Alterac, and they would generally terrorize and kill any Alliance force that showed up near their doorstep.

Continue reading “The “Glory” of the Horde”